Musings

Dear Friends

There is something about another birthday that causes one to be introspective and muse...

So here are some of my ramblings, join yours in and lets talk...

I felt that today is a new day a gift from my Abba, He has given me this day to do with as I wish. I can choose to grow in it or waste it, either way what I do with it is important because I have exchanged a day of my life for it.

You see when tomorrow comes today will be swept away on the river of rememberences and therefore I pray that I will not in any way regret any of the price I have paid for it.

Another thing that was so upmost in my thought today was Tommy Tenny's statement that, " Favour is what happens whe PREPERATION meets opportunity and success is what happens when PREPERATION meets poetntial.

Lots of chewing on that statement.

What are you chewing on...what things are directing your pathways?

Last but not least...NEVER FORGET:-

GREAT CAPTAINS ARE NOT MADER ON CALM SEAS BUT IN STORMS!

I SALUTE YOU MY FRIENDS, GREAT CAPTAINS AROUND THE WORLD!

My Father

I love my Abba, He is everything to me. We watched God the Perfect Father...this was with some trepidation...my experience with earthly fathers was not one that I would ascribe to...but with the gentleness of God my Father over a number of years I learnt His gentleness, strength and commitment to me.

I learnt to run into His Presence, just like a child, to entreat Him as a daughter and to dance and be a little wild. I learnt His indulgence and I learnt His strength...I love Him.

How have you learnt to know Him, how do you know Him.... He is my...

Elohim-God the Creator

Jehova-The Great I Am

El Shaddai-Almighty God who is more than enough

Adonai-Thae Lord and Master

Jehova Jireh- our Provider

Jehovah Rapha-Our Healer

Jehova Nissi-His Banner over us

Jehovah Mekaddesh-Our Sanctifier

Jehovah Shalom-God our Peace

Jehovah Tsidkenu-Our Righteousness

Jehovah Raah-The Lord our Shepherd

Jehovah Shammah- our ever Present Lord

Seek Him, Reach Him He wants to hear your voice hear your dreams and your aspirations(even though He knows them) He cares so much about you that even the very hairs on your head are numbered and He knows every time you loose 1.

Remember God and I love you today and always

Sharmaine

Do You Know?

I wonder if you have ever truely felt like this......shattered to say the least!!!! What do you do when a loved one turns against you ......and accuses you for the sake of the gospel.....how do you cope when you are acused of "always talking church!"

Rejoice I say rejoice.....Words kill...words also become self fulfiling prophecies...............

What a testimony to be accused of loving the Lord too much.....what a testimony when people revile you and despise you for the sake of the gospel. Yes it hurts, yes, you shatter, BUT GOD....say in Psalm 23, "Yea though I walk through "yes through"the valley.... you will pass through...

No matter what your circumstances today...no matter what report you have received.....no matter what the world may say, remember Jesus chose YOU, yes you, before the begining of time........."They said.... let us create" The ruler of the universe chose you...........

So today whose report will you believe.............I BELIEVE THE REPORT OF THE LORD, AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE WE WILL SERVE THE LORD.

Beloved friend, look to the Son and the shadows will stay behind you.........

Remember we love you and pray for you

Today and always

Sharmaine

1Cor.13

Think on this

I have been so very burdened by the cross. I know, I know I have discussed it and posted it, but my heart was particularly burdened this morning that our Lord was taken and beaten so severely and mocked, His beard plucked out........stripped of His clothing............a scarlet robe placed on His weary bloodied body............a crown of thorns pushed down on His head...............silent, looking past His pain into the future, "Whose future you may ask" Yours and Mine!!!!

Looking into the sins I would step willingly step into, knowing that at the depths of my despair I would need a Saviour, The Saviour, I would need my God, I would need HIM!!

Then as if that was not enough they must have shoved His clothes back on and made Him start His journey to Calvery......

At Calvery they stripped Him naked again, cast lots for His clothes, nailed Him to the cross and lifted Him for all to see.

My King.....hanging on the cross naked, beaten, worn, YET, still concerned for those whose frailties He knew so well...............

Then grace darkened the sun and they could no longer look on His body jeeringly..........the curtain TORE, and in three days He was Alive.........VICTORIOUS..........

Take a moment today to think of the cross and the victory, take a moment to think of what this means to you, take a moment to realise you are NOT DEFEATED, no matter what the circumstances are you ARE VICTORIOUS through HIM...........

Take time to thank Him...............Take time to bless Him.......take time , take time

You are truely beloved

Always

Sharmaine

Re-Establishing Trust in Marriage

Angie’s Marriage Column - April 8, 2009

Ask Angie: I am finding it hard to trust my husband again. We've been married for 31 years. this Valentine's day and in year 28 I found out he was heavily into drugs, which he now claims to be free of, but I still have a hard time believing him because of the extent he wants to hide his use. All the lies, deceit, and now the unwillingness to discuss it with me, leaves me with many unanswered questions.

He denies that other women were a factor in the drug use, but I do not believe that is true, because our intimacy is non-existent, and has been for some time. He claims to be unable to perform. I don't buy it. So here we are, I don't trust him and I constantly look for clues to make sure he's not using. I hate living this way, I am a born-again Christian, and I pray for God to guide me and help me to truly once and for all forgive, and I will think I have, and then he'll be late or not acting like he normally does and I find myself watching him.

Marriage Guidance: Your situation is very typical for married couples when one is addicted to a substance. You are so emotionally and mentally attached to the actions, feelings, and behaviors of your addicted husband that it is driving you crazy…the not knowing and the fear of being “out of control”.

Although it is sad to see anyone waist away their life in addiction, the truth is you cannot control what the addict says or does – it is impossible. The first thing you must understand is that you cannot “be in control” of what your husband does, which means, who he sees, where he goes, when he comes home, what he says, and how he treats you.

You can’t overpower addiction…the more you try, the more it will swallow you up with it. And that is what’s happening to you. Your husband’s addiction is literally taking you down with him. I’m going to throw you a life preserver, grab onto it and allow God to pull you into the shore. Neither I, nor anyone else can pull you into safety…you have to have the willingness to do so and to trust in Jesus to pull you into safety. OK?

God Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The Things I Cannot Change

Ask God to give you the strength to accept, that which is out of your control. God grant me the serenity to accept that my husband’s addiction is something I cannot change. How does a wife accept that she can’t stop her husband from using drugs or drinking? By backing off and giving every aspect of addiction over to God. It can be difficult to do at times, especially when the addict is abusing you in some way, which happens often in homes where addiction is present.

Most loved ones of addicts want to throw out the booze, throw the drugs down the toilet, Take the car keys, scream and yell for the addict to stop in their addiction. But none of these efforts will do any good whatsoever. Addiction is more powerful than anything a mere man can try to do to stop it. Overcoming addiction and the affects of what addiction can do to a family can only be overcome through the power of God working in our lives.

Even to your old age and gray hairs I am God, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4

The problem is we’re trying to rescue our loved ones instead of handing that responsibility over to God. Only God has the power to save us from the temptations of this life and only God can save us. Without God we are nothing. Wives and husband's who try to rescue their spouses from addiction become so entangled within the insidiousness of the addiction that they become mentally, emotionally and spiritually sick with the addict.

When a wife is spiritually sick how can she even begin to see clearly enough to help herself. Don’t allow yourself to get pulled into addiction one more second. You are finding it hard to trust your husband again because you can’t trust your husband. As long as he is wrapped up within the web of addiction there is no trust. The reality is you can’t trust addiction so how can you trust the person who is addicted?

I realize it hurts to think that the man you married has been with other woman. Addiction makes us do crazy things. So knowing that should we blame immoral behavior on addiction. Yes, we should! Does it mean that once the user quits using their substance of choice they will not behave immorally? Of course not – that would be ridiculous to say it would. But it means that being addiction free he can now make proper and right choices for his life. It is at this time that a wife can support, encourage, and influence her husband and help him to turn his life around and stay addiction free!

Courage To Change The Things I Can

So now that you know you cannot change one iota about your husband or the addiction, lets take a look at what you can change. You can stop looking for clues that he has stopped using. This is not going to change anything. You can stop worrying about his inability to perform. This is not going to change anything. You can stop living for the addiction and start living for Christ. This WILL change your attitude. Ask Christ to give you the courage to change those things that you can.

…I can do everything through Him who gives me strength! Philippians 4:12-13

When we begin to find positive things that we can change in our life, it will make us feel better. You cannot change what your husband does, but you can change what you do about what he does. You can change your reaction towards what your husband does or doesn’t do. Learn to detach from his miserable behavior. You can change the way you think about your husband. You can change your attitude about addiction and know from the bottom of your heart that addiction is something you have no power over, whatsoever.

You can choose to forgive, even though you will have to continue to forgive his addictive actions every single day. By forgiving you will be freeing your heart and mind of pent up resentment. You can start to take better care of your spiritual, mental and emotional self by detaching from the addiction. You can choose to allow Christ to pull you into safety and trust that He will keep you safe from addiction.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

These changes are changes that you have the power, through Him, to change. You can do everything, through Him. They are all things that involve you and your attitude toward your situation and toward your husband. Once you make these small, but sometimes-difficult changes you will discover a sense of peace within yourself that will actually be supportive to your husband. Whether or not you see that now or not doesn’t really matter. What matters is having hope that your husband can become free for good from addiction.

Understand that once you stop trying to be responsible for your husband’s actions you will feel a big burden lifted from your shoulders. Jesus Christ has lifted that burden from you and gave you a sense of peace in the midst of turmoil. You allowed that burden to be gone from your heart and mind. Now that you are on the shore and out of danger of drowning with your husband you can help him.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loves us. (Romans 8:35 –37)

And The Wisdom To Know The Difference

Do you now understand what you cannot change and what you can? If it has anything to do with your husband and the addiction you cannot control it or change it. Give it to God and let Him change it. Give up the burden of responsibility and all aspects of addiction. Let your husband know that you love HIM, but you do not love the addiction.

Change your attitude and begin to take better care of you, through Him. Change what you can about yourself and that will make a big difference in your husband coming out of denial and getting help for his addiction. Only after you help yourself, through Him, will you be able to help your husband. Let God pull you into safety.

May God Bless,
Angie

“Thought the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10

Good Friday

Today and Sunday are probably the most significant days on the Christian calendar. Not Christmas or any other day but today…..You see friends today was the day that they crucified my Lord. My Jesus who I love today was the day that He died for you and me so that we never ever have to fear death. Today was the day that He was born for, today was the day that He willingly became the everlasting sacrifice the one and only perfect unblemished Lamb of God, The sweet smelling sacrifice, the last sacrifice in fact my friends THE GREATEST LOVE STORY EVERY TOLD..

You see my friends Jesus had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Even before the crucifixion began, he clearly had physical symptoms associated with severe stress. The night before the execution, his disciples reported seeing Jesus in “agony” on the Mount of Olives. Not only did he not sleep all night, but he seems to have been sweating profusely. So great was the stress that tiny blood vessels were rupturing in his sweat glands and emitting as great red drops that fell to the ground (see Luke 22:44). This symptom of severe stress is called hematohidrosis.
Jesus was physically exhausted and in danger of going into shock unless he received fluids (which he apparently did not). This is the man that the Roman soldiers tortured. Having previously been beaten by the Jews, it was now the Romans' turn.

The beatings administered by Roman soldiers are well known to be very bloody, leaving lacerations all over the body. Romans designed their whips to cut the flesh from their victim's bodies. The whips commonly used in those times the whips were made from sharp bone and bits of metal. These beatings were designed to be painful to the extreme.

It would also cause a fluid build up around his lungs. In addition, a crown of thorns was forced into his scalp which was capable of severely irritating major nerves in his head, causing increasing and excruciating pain, as the hours wore on. Our Lord was crowned with that crown of thorns in mockery by the Romans (Matt. 27:29). The object of Pilate's guard in doing this was probably to insult, and not specially to inflict pain. There is nothing to show that the shrub thus used was, as has been supposed, the spina Christi, which could have been easily woven into a wreath. It was probably the thorny nabk, which grew abundantly round about Jerusalem, and whose flexible, pliant, and round branches could easily be platted into the form of a crown. Many experts say however that the thorns that were used were hooked so once impressed into the Lords head they were virtually impossible to remove.

In Christ's severely stressed condition, these beatings were easily enough to kill him. His body was horribly bruised, cut and bleeding. Having had no nourishment for many hours, and having lost fluids through profuse sweating and much bleeding, Jesus would have been severely dehydrated. This brutal torture would certainly be sending him into what doctors call “shock,” and shock kills.
In addition, Jesus was forced to carry the wooden beam on which he would die. Imagine the effect of carrying a heavy weight if you were in that condition.

Crucifixion was a common mode of punishment among heathen nations in early times. It is not certain whether it was used by the ancient Jews; probably it was not. The modes of capital punishment according to the Mosaic law were, by the sword (Exodus 21), strangling, fire (Lev. 20), and stoning (Deut. 21).
This was regarded as the most horrible form of death, and to a Jew it would acquire greater horror from the curse in Deut. 21:23.
This punishment began by subjecting the sufferer to scourging as discussed earlier. In the case of our Lord, however, his scourging was before the sentence was passed upon him, and was inflicted by Pilate for the purpose, probably, of producing pity to avoid a demand for further punishment .

The condemned person carried his own cross to the place of execution, which was outside the city, in some conspicuous place set apart for the purpose. Before the nailing to the cross took place, a medicated cup of vinegar mixed with gall and myrrh (the sopor) was sometimes given, for the purpose of deadening the pangs of the sufferer.

Our Lord refused this cup, that his senses might be clear (Matt. 27:34). The spongeful of vinegar, sour wine, posca, the common drink of the Roman soldiers, which was put on a hyssop stalk and offered to our Lord in contemptuous pity (Matt. 27:48; Luke 23:36). He tasted it probably to allay the agonies of his thirst (John 19:29).
Hung completely naked before the crowd, the pain and damage caused by crucifixion were designed to be so devilishly intense that one would continually long for death, but could linger for days with no relief.

According to Dr. Frederick Zugibe, piercing of the median nerve of the hands with a nail can cause pain so incredible that even morphine won't help, “severe, excruciating, burning pain, like lightning bolts traversing the arm into the spinal cord.” Rupturing the foot's plantar nerve with a nail would have a similarly horrible effect.

Furthermore, the position of the body on a cross is designed to make it extremely difficult to breathe.

Frederick Farrar described the intended, torturous effect: “For indeed a death by crucifixion seems to include all that pain and death can have of horrible and ghastly—dizziness, cramp, thirst, starvation, sleeplessness, traumatic fever, tetanus, shame, publicity of shame, long continuance of torment, horror of anticipation, mortification of untended wounds—all intensified just up to the point at which they can be endured at all, but all stopping just short of the point which would give to the suffer the relief of unconsciousness.”

One doctor has called it “a symphony of pain” produced by every movement, with every breath; even a slight breeze on his skin could bring screaming pain at this point.
Medical examiner, Dr. Frederick Zugibe, believes Christ died from shock due to loss of blood and fluid, plus traumatic shock from his injuries, plus cardiogenic shock causing Christ's heart to fail.

At the ninth hour (the time at which a sacrificial lamb was killed everyday in the Jewish temple), Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?” which is translated,“My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” and soon died, after saying “It is finished.” At about this moment is probably the time when the temple's priestly ram's horn would have been blown that day, announcing that the priests had completed the sacrifice of the lamb for the sins of Israel. Also at that moment, the great, thick curtain that closed the Holy of Holies room from view, ripped open from top to bottom.-Mark 15:34 and Matthew 27:46

James Thompson believed that Jesus did not die from exhaustion, the beatings or the 3 hours of crucifixion, but that he died from agony of mind producing rupture of the heart. His evidence comes from what happened when the Roman soldier pierced Christ's left side. The spear released a sudden flow of blood and water (John 19:34). Not only does this prove that Jesus was already dead when pierced, but Thompson believes it is also evidence of cardiac rupture. Respected physiologist Samuel Houghton believed that only the combination of crucifixion and rupture of the heart could produce this result.

There is no question that it was painful beyond words.

Biblically, it is clear that Jesus chose and willed His moment of death. That moment was induced not by pain, emotional stress, heart attack, or any other, but by His will. Though fully human, He is also fully divine. As God, He could not die from external sources, but only of His own volition and will.

Near the end, a criminal beside him mocked, “If you are the Christ, save yourself and us.” Little did this sinner know that the man he was speaking to hung there voluntarily. He was speaking to our Creator, capable of releasing all the power in the universe and beyond, and easily saving himself. Jesus remained in this agony and shame, not because he was powerless, but because of his incredible love for humanity. He suffered to provide the needed way of salvation for you and me.

The accounts given of the crucifixion of our Lord are in entire agreement with the customs and practices of the Romans in such cases. He was crucified between two “criminals” (Isa. 53:12; Luke 23:32), and was watched by a party of four soldiers (John 19:23; Matt. 27:36, 54), with their centurion. The “breaking of the legs” of the crucified was intended to hasten death, and put them out of misery (John 19:31); but the unusual rapidity of our Lord's death (19:33) was due to his previous sufferings and his great mental anguish. The omission of the breaking of his legs was the fulfillment of a symbol (Ex. 12:46).

He literally died of a broken heart, a ruptured heart, and hence the flowing of blood and water from the wound made by the soldier's spear (John 19:34).
Our Lord uttered memorable words from the cross, including “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). “Verily I say unto thee, To day shalt thou be with me in paradise” (23:43), as well as John 19:26, Matt. 27:46, Mark 15:34, John 19:28, Luke 23:46, and John 19:30 (“It is finished.”).

This Jesus the man I serve and love, My God, my Saviour, the King of Kings the Lord of Lords, died for you and He died for me…He died for your healing and He died for my healing……He died for your deliverance and for my deliverance.

During this time remember how special and loved you are so special that God gave His ONLY begotten Son for you and me.

If we can pray for you or help you in any way please email me on:

alcc@xtra.co.nz

God Bless you now and always

Sharmaine

How To Resolve 4 kKinds of Marital Conflict

Kathy Collard Miller, D. Larry Miller


ROMANS 12:17--21 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but over­come evil with good.


Conflict often makes our beloved seem like an enemy. We can easily begin to think, "It's me against you!" when we're supposed to be on the same side. Yet when we start picking a fight with our spouse and, in effect, try to take vengeance by getting our own way, we're certainly not trusting God to fulfill his promise to work in someone's life. If we're supposed to give food and water to our enemy, then let's resolve our conflicts with our best friend--our mate! Here's how to identify the four main kinds of conflict and what to do about them:


1. Faults and Weaknesses. Everyone has faults. Faults aren't sins. Faults could be based in the weaknesses of your spouse's personality. A person who seems to talk too much is a gregarious kind of person. You may judge that she talks too much, but that's because you may not talk much at all. She is most likely thinking you don't talk enough. This is not a conflict about sin; rather, it is a lack of com­passion and understanding about who God created your spouse to be.

If your conflict comes from trying to change your spouse, remember that only God can change someone. It isn't your job. Don't allow conflict to separate you emotionally because of his fault or weakness. At the same time, you can gently point out how too much talking prevents both of you from contributing to the conversation. Speaking "peaceably" means invit­ing a dialogue--not haranguing your spouse for what you perceive is wrong. Ask God to make any changes that he wants. Believe it or not, he might not plan to change that person at this time, and you can relax and eliminate the conflict knowing that he has his perfect timing.


2. Unintended Emotional Injury. When someone hurts your feelings and he didn't intend to (although we might think he did), we can easily fall into the trap of blaming and taking it personally. Each person thinks he is right.

It's important to express your hurt by saying something like, "I know you didn't intend to hurt me, but I felt . . . [and share your feelings]." Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. He loves you, and most of the time, what you think is meant to hurt you isn't intended that way. It was most likely a misunderstanding, or he inadvertently touched on something that is a wound within you, possibly even from childhood.

Acknowledging the underlying causes of why this "triggers" you is essen­tial. Most often, things from our childhood are at the root. For instance, a wife was neglected by her father, and so any slight by her husband takes her back emotionally (without her knowing it) to those longings of want­ing her daddy to love her. Because of this trigger, she will need to take responsibility for her own reaction. The person who inadvertently hurt his or her spouse can remember this: "The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out" (Proverbs 20:5). God wants you to compassionately invite your spouse to address her hurt and possibly her wound from the past.

The "offending" spouse will need to walk "peaceably" by not reacting in kind with anger or hurt. By keeping your cool, you will cover the situation with a calming balm. Proverbs 15:1 urges us, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."



3. Preferences. During your courtship, you most likely appreciated the differences that completed you as a couple. If one of you is outgoing and friendly, the other person is most likely more reserved. You liked how your spouse made friends easily so that you didn't have to put out so much effort. But now that difference has made him or her into an enemy. You may feel that he is so friendly with everyone else that he ignores you.

Living peaceably means recognizing that a preference isn't sinful. Just because you think one way doesn't mean your spouse's opposite thinking is wrong--it's just different. Different isn't wrong. Your conflict is based in thinking that there's only one way to think about something or do some­thing. But look at Proverbs 27:14: "If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse." If because you're an early riser you think it's pretty close to a sin to sleep in late, the Bible says you're cursing your friend. Some things just aren't in a sin category.

If your spouse thinks strongly about something, then it may be even more of a conflict if you feel that you're going to be forced to abide by your spouse's preferences. That's why you need to try to feel his passion or pref­erence. That doesn't mean you need to change your preference, just under­stand how much it means to him. You may both choose to do your "own thing" separately if one person doesn't enjoy the desired activity, but leave room for both of you to do what you want at some point. Or take turns. If your conflict is about where to go on vacation, decide that one year you will go to the lake and the next year you will go to the mountains. Or find a place that has both a lake and a mountain.

If you feel that your own preferences aren't ever honored, first look at the word ever. Is that really true? Or is your spouse giving in on some things thinking she is pleasing you, except that particular thing isn't that impor­tant to you so you don't give her credit for her effort? But when you say "You never let me" or "We don't ever," your spouse may point out some­thing that she thought she was doing for you but you hadn't noticed because it's not your important preference. This is why it's important to communicate what's valuable to you. And if your spouse tells you you're not really hearing what she says, listen! Really listen and try to feel her passion. Understand that just as your activity is important to you, so also is her activity to her.


4. Sin. When your spouse sins, he can certainly seem like the enemy. Yet Romans 12:17--21 tells us we have a choice whether to live peaceably with our enemy. That doesn't mean overlooking his sin or doing nothing about it, but it does mean having an attitude of good that isn't overcome by evil. And most of the time in conflict, evil means being angry. Being angry means that you're trying to be in control instead of allowing God to be, and that won't get you the result you want. Yes, you'll still need to call your spouse's attention to the sin. If it's horrible and terribly painful, like adultery, and your spouse refuses to remove himself from the sin, then you may need to separate legally. But most of the time, we're dealing with sin that is griev­ous but not liable to end the marriage. What then can we do?

God calls us to righteousness if we are the offended party. This is not a self-righteous, I'm-better-than-you attitude, but a humble heart like the one 1 Peter 3:8--9 describes: "Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing."

Compassion means thinking, "I could do something like that, and even if I haven't, I've done something equally bad or pretty close." Sin is sin. Regardless of the degree of sin that we have committed, we've all fallen short. We all stand on equal ground before a holy God who has forgiven us. In those moments, Galatians 6:1--2 is a good reminder: "Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ" (NKJV). We could have done the same thing if we were tempted in the same way.

Compassion also means forgiving our mate, but forgiving doesn't mean we're saying the sin didn't happen or that he or she shouldn't suffer the consequences of sin. But it means releasing our anger and our need to take revenge. Then set up a plan for accountability and strength for your spouse to turn from the sin so that the two of you can be reconciled.



How Others See It
Henry Cloud and John Townsend
Agree on a follow-up plan. "If I notice something again, how do you want me to help you? What do you want me to do?" This way you become a team member to deal with the problem and not a police officer. You might want to talk to him about bringing other resources to the problem as well, such as friends to hold him accountable. The important issue is that you are together as a team to fight the reoccurrence.


Becky and Roger Tirabassi give seven motivators for forgiving others:
To forgive someone benefits you.
To forgive doesn't mean you allow the person to continue to hurt you in the same way.
Most people don't intentionally try to hurt you.
God wants us to forgive others.
It won't be long before you will need to be forgiven.
Forgiveness becomes easier when you look for similar behavior in your life.
Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a decision!


source: CWalk
This article originally posted on November 5, 2007.
Excerpted from
What's in the Bible for Couples © 2007 by Kathy Collard Miller, D. Larry Miller, and Larry Richards, Ph.D.
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