Thursday, 2 August 2007


Question: My husband committed adultery and I'm dealing with the anger that comes from that. What can I do?

(This response is written for the wife of a REPENTANT husband, not a husband who continues to sin against the sanctity of the marriage)

Response: We believe that all marriage's can be healed and restored thru the healing Power of God. The pain (resentment) we feel inside at times can be unbearable, and that pain affects our emotions and attitude towards the person we married.

It isn't the act of adultery itself that causes divorce; it is the affects from it through our feelings and how we deal with those emotions that lead to divorce. Keeping this in mind, then, we can change the way we feel toward those who have hurt us by "choosing" to forgive. Did you know that by choosing to forgive, you are actually helping yourself to feel better inside?

Choosing to forgive is a “principled act” of love. It hurts for a little while to forgive someone who has hurt us so terribly, but Jesus Christ has asked us to forgive others, even when we don’t want to or “feel” like forgiving.

Forgiveness is not just for the offender but also for the spouse who has been wronged. As long as you hold in anger and resentment by NOT FORGIVING, you are actually hurting yourself even more. Forgiving is letting it go. Once we let it go, the pain of infidelity won't control our emotions any longer. The hard part is forgiving. That comes through prayer and meditating on the word daily. The key to forgiving is to stop focusing on what your husband did, but focus on you and what "you" can do for yourself.

This is not discounting what your husband did at all, but it is taking the focus off of him and allowing you the freedom to take care of you. Your husband needs to deal with what he did as well, but you can't do that for him. He is accountable to God for his actions and He needs to step up to the plate and ask for Christ’s forgiveness, if he has not already done so.

If you keep throwing stones at your husband because of your anger, it may do more harm to the relationship, and make it more difficult to give up those negative feelings and forgive.
At this point, you both have responsibilities in the marriage, and that is to take care of yourselves first, and then to each other. Always keep Christ at the top of your priority list in everything you do, and that way you know in your heart that you are doing the right thing, and that is all that really matters here.

Both of you have some inner healing to do that will take time, accountability, and trust. If you would like further support and guidance in this area, I am here to encourage and support you. There are several articles on the Heaven Ministries website that deal with rebuilding trust and intimacy in relationships.

Used with permission

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BetweenYou and Me

BetweenYou and Me