IN honor of women's history month and in memory of Erma Bombeck who lost her
fight with cancer.

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck(written after she found out she was dying from cancer).

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth

would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in
storage..

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained,
or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much
less

about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace...

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his
youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day

because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more

while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't

show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every

moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only

chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now

go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more

'I love you's' More 'I'm sorry's.'

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute.

look at it and really see it . .

live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what
Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us..

JUST WANT TO SAY I LOVE YOU ALL THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU!!

Home Again

We are in the incredibly fortunate position to have our children currently at home with us. Now I think I need to clarify, our children are 27years old and 34 years old. So we not only have our children living with us but we also have our 4 year old grand son living with in our home as well. My husband is a busy person and it takes very little to guess that our home is often likened to a railway staion noise, people and everything else!

Home is a vital place in a family, it is a place where masks can be left at the door and pure joy can emunate from every pore of your being or dispair can drape itself like a wet heavy blanket around your shouldres. It is a place of lively communication and often a home can be filled with confidences. It is real vibrant and alive.

Our scripture today is:

Deuteronomy 6:7a You shall teach them diligently to your sons.

As parents we have enormous responsibilities to teach our children properly. The spiritual education of a child rests at the parents feet. This would be taught through being a Godly example as well as teaching our children the value of The Word of God.

E.M. Bounds wrote this:

CHARACTER AND CONDUCT
Conduct is what we do;
Chracter is what we are.
Conduct is the outward life; character is theis the life unseen,
Hidden within, yet evidenced by that which is seen.
Conduct is external, seen from without;character is internal operating within....
Character is the state of the heart, conduct is its outward expression.
Character is the root of the tree, conduct, the fruit it bears.

I read somewhere that it takes creative parenting to teach our children Christian values and responsibilities. We all have the same amount of time, 24 hours a day.

Ann Launders (some of you may remember her column) printed these house rules from a lady in california:_

If you sleep on it-
Make it up.
If you wear it-
Hang it up.
If you drop it-
Pick it up.
If you eat out of it -
Put it in the sink (in my house I add wash it up!)
If you spill it-
Wipe it up.
If you empty it-
Fill it up.
If it rings-
Answer it.
If it howls-
Feed it.
If it cries-
LOVE IT!

Living together is often difficult and certainly not easier when you are all adults...however it can be pure joy, and most of the time it is. We have pow - wow meeting every now and again to facilitate honest dialogue with each other...what do you do in your home?

1 Cor.13 is our measuring stick always.

Let me end with something from John Henry Jowett:-
The Bible doesn't say very much about homes; it says a GREAT DEAL ABOUT THE THINGS THAT MAKE THEM. It speaks about love and joy and peace and rest. If we get a house and put these things into it, we shall have secured a home.

Remember Jesus and I love you

Sharmaine

Women of The Word - LO RUHAMAH

Hosea 1:6
Gomer conceived again and gave birth to a daughter. Then the Lord said to Hosea, "Call her Lo-Ruhamah, for I will no longer show love to the house of Israel, that I should at all forgive them".

I cannot even imagine being named "UN-LOVED".
How devestating it is for any child to know that their name means un-loved, and even more devestating to know that God was using her as an example to her people-an example of their sin.

You see God had set the nation aside because of their unbelief, and Lo-Ruhmaha's mother, Gomer had acted on that lack of faith. It is not unreasonable to wonder if Lo-Ruhamah was even Hosea's child?

I wondered how a child would be effected by their name and I wondered how this child, this girl/woman would react to her father. Whether it would be easy to be loving to your father while having this knowledge.

But...just as God wooed His people back to Himself, I like to think that He wooed Lo-Ruhamah back to Himself as well. When God declares a people or persons sin it is only to seperate them from the sin and bring them back into relationship with Him.

I want you to know today that when God called His people away from sin in the Bible it is no different to Him wooing you to Himself today. He longs for you, He yearns for fellowship with you, He wants you in the circle of His love.

What are you trapped in today? What sin keeps you seperated from His love? Today when He calls to you, He will seperate you from your sin, He will cleanse you, He will heal you, He will love you......today just reach out to Him...

Do not wait any longer..do not be lonley, do not feel lonley, do not crave love...Jesus is more than enough, He is waiting.

Remember Jesus loves you,
Hugs as always
Sharmaine

Women of The Word - ZILPAH

This may seem like a very strange choice of woman to write about, but there is something very special about her and she so reminds me of many other women like her in our society.

Zilpah was the concubine that was given Jacob when Leah thought her childbearing days were over.

It is noticable that The Bible does not mention how Zilpah felt about being "handed over" as a concubine, but there is one amazing thing that we do know about her, she named her first son Gad. Now Gad means good fortune or "a troop". From this it appears that her outlook is positive even though her lot must have been precarious and difficult.

It appears that Zilpah really delighted in her children, we can assume this because she named her second son Asher which means "happy". In amongst her joy there were many marital contentious issues which brought a lot of sorrow.

My heart was saddened when I read that when Jacob returned to his homeland it was Zilpah and Bilhah (also a concubine of Jacob) who were put in the front of the caravan. These women were just not loved.

Like Zilpah so many of us lead imperfect lives. The challenge that this woman offers us accross the pages of The Bible is to check what we focus on, the negative aspects of our lives or do we rejoice in the gifts, like our children, the blessings that Jesus sends our way.

What are you going to choose today, are you going to live a life of being joyous and grateful or a life of complaining? Which one will make you happy?

Remember Jesus and I love you

Hugs

Sharmaine

Women of The Word - ABIGAIL

I will be discussing over the next few weeks some of the women of The Word. We will discuss their strengths, sometimes their weaknesses....

Join me as we journery forward together and discuss one of my favourite women called ABIGAIL.
1 SAMUEL 24:3
His name was Nabal and his wife's name was Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman,but her husband, a Calebite,was surly and mean in his dealings.

This is surely one of The Words most mismatched couples! Since it was the custom in those days to arrange marriages, Abigail had probably been wed to Nabal because of his wealth, definatly not for the love between two people. Abigail was a faithful and very wise woman who knew how to use her head. Nabal's name meant "fool" and his actions certainly matched the meaning of his name.

The Word speaks very highly of Abigail and records the mean-spirited. Abigail had faith and her husband had no time for God - certainly his attitudes and actions were not those of a faithful believer!

One of the things I love most about Abigail is that her and her husband's relationship could not have been easy, she did not allow bitterness and resentment to take root in her heart and crush her spirit. Instead she uses her many gifts and graces to bring the best to her household.

At a festive time greedy Nabal offended King David. Abigail recognised the danger, and one of the servants knew who to approach. He reported the situation to Nabals wise wife. Immediatly Abigail understood her husbands foolishness and the danger it would place them all in.

Abigail did not spend time going and arguing with her husband, instead, she went and prepared food for Davids men and set off to approach their leader and make peace.

She met the King on the way intent on exacting retribution.

Abigail knew her husbands attitude had risked all his holdings and placed her in a very difficult position-yet she demonstrates her position lay not with her husband but with God.

David immediatly appreciated Abigails faith and good qualities and praised God for her quick actions. If Nabal did not know how to recognise his wifes good qualities the King did. Her turned aside his wrath because of this faithful womans response.

While Abigail worked out a peace plan her husband partied. She returned to find him drunk! Only the next day could she discuss her actions with him! Nabal literally had a fit - perhaps experiencing a stroke. A few days later he died.

David saw Nabal's death as God justice and immediatly sought Abigails hand in marriage. In a moment faithful Abigail moved from being the wife of fool to being the bride of a KING!!

In Abigail we see so many examples of her faithfulness and her refusal to turn into a bitter hardened wife who complained and was miserable in herself and made the life of those around her terrible. Instead she endured, was graceful to her household, was wise in her dealings.

Humility clothed Abigails strength. She stood in the Peace of God. We know that it is only God that can bring strength and peace into broken relationships and it is only God that can bring tranquility into broken lives, Abigail experienced that and my beautiful sisters so can we!!

I encourage you today to be an Abigail to stand clothede in the strength and love of God.

Remember Jesus loves you so do I!!!!

ref: Pamela McQuade

NEW NAME

Thanks to those who contacted me about a new name.....God has not settled anything in my spirit as yet so until He does...Women for the Nations we will be!

God Bless you all

NEW NAME

I am seeking a new name for my ministry any suggestions? It is a really bold and important move as I believe that the Lord wants to do a "NEW THING!"

Please dear friends, I would so value your input

Remember Jesus loves you, so do I!
Sharmaine

Sin Seperates Us

So often we try and compomise the gospel because we want to be "sensitive" to what unbelievers say or do. Beloved sin is sin, it creates a divide between us and our Precious Jesus who shed His blood on the cross at calvery.

Yes we love the sinner, no we do not love the sin. It is important that we realise that unconfessed sin will seperate us from God forever.

I thank God every day that He made a way back for me, that the cross is the bridge over the divide and that "whosoever shall call on the name of Jesus WILL be saved" I thank God I am WHOSOVER.



As you go about your day remember HE DIED FOR EVERY ONE OF US!

Jesus loves you and so do I! Have an awesome day

Perseverence

James 1:4 says "Let endurancehave its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing"

We live in a society where everything is about instant gratification. I read that so much of life is painted with speed, flash, and sizzle that we get intimidated by everyone else's flash.

The scripture today teaches us to persevere with enduring patience. Yes we will have trials in life and many of these trials want to see us defeated, I know. I am aware of how many times one can just want to stop and camp at the border of your pain or trail. Perseverance is a term used to describe Christians who faithfully endure and remain steadfast in the face opposition, attack and discouragement.

This can seem so huge for so many of us, however I know that installed inside every one of us is the patience to endure without complaint and calmness.

Many of you know about my on off battle with weight and I know that it takes only 21 consecutive days to develop a new habit. So often our flesh does not want to wait, does not want to take the time to develop Godly habits, the flesh screams at us and tells us it "wants it now"

Commitment and discipline are not words that the world are comfortable with. This decade wants everything that "feels good." These words are words that demand denial of self or pain. Dr feelgoods people do not like either of these.

We need to persevere in :-

PRAYER (EPESIANS 6:18)
IN OBEDIENCE (REVELATION 14:12)
IN FAITH (HEBREWS 12:12)
IN SERVICE (1 CORINTHIANS 15:58)
IN SELF CONTROL (2 PETER 1: 5-7)

The scripture promises us certain blessings if we will endure to the end:

FINAL DELIVERANCE (MATTHEW 24:13)
REWARDED FAITH (HEBREWS 11:6)
ETERNAL INHERITANCE (REVELATION 21:7)

When we live this way the fruit of The Spirit will be evident in our lives. (Galatians 5:22,23)

Remember God and I love you!

Quiet

I love Isaiah 30:15, it says,

"In repentace and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength"

I wonder if this morning we can think about true repentance and what it means, when you have repented do you find rest settling over you?

The other part of this is quietness, how often in your day are you quiet? Absolutly quiet? How often do you just sit in silence and wait......Your Father has much to share with you....I encourage you today to just be quiet and be refreshed!

Remember God and I love you!

WOMEN FOR THE NATIONS: How do I say thank YOU?

WOMEN FOR THE NATIONS: How do I say thank YOU?

How do I say thank YOU?

As a family we are going through one of the most trying times that we have had for a long time.

The picture above depicts the GRACE of our LORD the MERCY of our God. I today want to say how very grateful I am that through this all HE is carrying me. All glory, all honour, all power to my King, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, His name is JESUS!!!

Hugs always

Sharmaine

AT LONG LAST

Well I guess I have absolutly NO EXCUSE for not writing in this last season except that I felt that I was closeted and waiting.

Do you ever experience that ...just waiting and wastching....seeing what God will do...HOWEVER, last week I got the shocking news that a couple who my husband and I had mentored in the ministry for 15 years were both dead! If that was not enough she died at his hand.

Dear friends my heart cannot contain the sorrow or the questions, BUT, GOD, has caused the storm to still and has caused my heart to stir with the breathe of new life.

So I am really sorry for not speaking to you sooner but here I am BACK!!

I want to share this letter with you from Pastor Riley

By Pastor F. M. Riley
February 12, 2010

"So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom."

Psalm 90:12

Dear ____________,


Thank you for writing. I am glad the studies were a blessing to you. I
have an entire series of studies setting forth the truth of the
Pre-tribulation rapture which I will be glad to send to you or any of
our readers who request them. Just ask for "The Pre-tribulation Rapture
Series."


Dear brother, I DO NOT know that the rapture of New Testament believers
has to fit within the holy days of the Jewish calendar, for the Lord's
New Testament church is primarily a Gentile entity. The Lord's church
is not Jewish, and therefore it is possible that the church does not
have to conform to the Jewish holy days. However, that question is up
to the Lord. The church may indeed have to conform to them! We will
soon see! If it is required that the prophecies regarding the Lord's
church be fulfilled in accordance with the Jewish holy days, then it
appears to me that everything predicted leading up to the rapture of
the church is coming together like a hand fitting into a glove.


Brother, the Lord Jesus Christ rode into Jerusalem on the back of a
donkey on the 10th day of Abib [Nisan] nearly 2,000 years ago in exact
fulfillment of His appearance as the Messiah [King] predicted in Daniel
9:25, bringing the 69 weeks of Daniel to fulfillment on that exact
day.

Four days later He was crucified [cut off] in direct fulfillment
of Daniel 9:26(a). The Lord Himself verified this truth three times in
Luke 19, verses 40, 42, and 44. Then knowing how precise the Lord is
all through His inspired Word, I see no Scriptural reason why the 70th
week of Daniel may not commence right where the 69th week left off,
with only the 2,000 years of GRACE intervening. If this should be the
case [?], then the Tribulation period [the 70th week of Daniel] will
begin on Abib 11 on the Jewish calendar which this year begins at
sundown in Israel on March 25th. This date therefore then looms on the
horizon as a distinct "possibility."


Quite significantly, the Jews back in November began building an altar
according to the exact specifications set forth in the Scriptures. That
altar is now complete! On January 12th, KorbanPesach.org, a committee of
the Sanhedrin in Jerusalem, sent an invitation to Jews all over the
world to come to Jerusalem on Passover this year to reinstitute the
actual, literal sacrifice of the Paschal Lamb. They plan to buy enough
lambs so that every Jew who attends will be able to partake of the meat
of their Paschal lamb exactly as specified in Exodus 12. They are
anticipating at least a million Jews coming to Jerusalem to observe the
Passover this year, which will occur on March 29-30.


Brother, for the following information I am glad to give credit to Bob
Mitchell who wrote about this on his Interesting Prophecies on January
8th. I also want to express my appreciation to a dear sister in
Australia [who prefers that her email address not be circulated] who
forwarded this information on to me. I am sharing it with you and other
readers by rewriting it in my own style and adding my own comments.


Remember that Peter in Acts 2:17-21, when speaking to the Jews in
Jerusalem on the Day of Pentecost [Acts 2:5; 2:14; 2:22; 2:36;
2:39(a)], and transliterating from Joel's prophecy, clearly stated, "I
will pour out of My Spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your
daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and
your old men shall dream dreams….."

Both the context and the wording used here makes it clear that this statement is speaking of the Jewish people. This cannot be denied by anyone who understands the grammatical construction of sentences and has a real desire to "rightly divide the
Word of truth," 2 Timothy 2:15. It clearly states that in these "last
days" Jews would be given prophecies, would see visions, and dream
dreams. I am aware that many people today claim they have been given
these "gifts," but it is very obvious that some making the claim have
and some haven't. 1 John 4:1-3 is still in the Bible! However, when I
run across a Jew today who claims to have been given a prophecy or a
vision or a dream, I pay a good bit more attention to their claim than
I do that of Gentiles making a similar claim. Without apology to
anyone!

Then in view of this inspired prophecy given by Peter, I think it is highly significant that…….


In 1217 the Jewish Rabbi Judah Ben Samuel prophesied that the Ottoman
Turks would rule over the holy city of Jerusalem for eight Jubilees. A
Jubilee is a period of 50 years according to Leviticus 25:8-13. Eight
Jubilees would then be 400 years. Sure enough, 300 years later in 1517
the Ottoman Turks seized control of the city of Jerusalem and ruled
over it for the next 400 years. They were finally driven out of the
city and the holy land in 1917 by the Allied forces under the command
of General George Allenby. The Rabbi's prophecy about the 400 years was
fulfilled exactly to the year.


The Rabbi had also prophesied that during the ninth Jubilee Jerusalem
would be a "no-man's land." This is exactly what happened from 1917 to
1967, due to the fact that the holy land was placed under British
Mandate in 1917 by the League of Nations and literally "belonged" to no
nation.

Even after Israel's war of independence in 1948-49 Jerusalem
was still divided by a strip of land running right through the heart of
the city, with Jordan controlling the eastern part of the city and
Israel controlling the western part of the city. That strip of land was
considered and even called "no-man's land" by both the Israelis and the
Jordanians. Anyone even stepping into that strip would be shot down. I
lived during that period of time and well remember the reports in the
newspapers and shown on TV about the division of Jerusalem. It was not
until the Six Day War in 1967 when the entire west bank of the holy
land was conquered by the Israeli army that the whole city of Jerusalem
passed back into the possession of Israel. So once again the prophecy
made by the Rabbi 750 years previously was fulfilled to the letter.


But that is still not the end of the matter. The Rabbi also prophesied
that during the 10th Jubilee Jerusalem would be under the control of
the Jews and the Messianic "end times" would begin. The 10th Jubilee
began in 1967 and will be concluded in 2017. The Rabbi's prophecy has
been fulfilled to the letter right up to this present day.

There is then no Scriptural reason to believe it will not continue to be
fulfilled exactly as it was given, until the conclusion of the seven
year Tribulation in 2017. This then means that the pre-tribulation
resurrection and rapture of New Testament believers will occur this
very year; 2010, and that the Messiah and Savior of Israel will return
and establish His Millennial Kingdom in 2017, again fulfilling to the
letter the Rabbi's prophecy.


Glory to God! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! Jesus is coming for His
people VERY SOON! Praise the God of glory! Thank God for the "blessed
hope."

But this still isn't the whole prophetic picture. During the 18th
century [the 1700's] Rabbi Vilna Gaon prophesied that the Hurva
Synagogue in Jerusalem, probably the most magnificent Jewish Synagogue
in the entire world, would be destroyed and rebuilt twice, destroyed
yet again and built a third time. He prophesied that when it was
rebuilt the third time, then construction would begin on the [third… ?]
Jewish Temple.


The Hurva Synagogue was first destroyed by the Muslims shortly after it
was originally built. A hundred years later it was rebuilt a second
time. Then it was destroyed for the second time by the Jordanian army
during Israel's war of independence in 1948-49. It lay in ruins until
2001! That year the Israeli government and the Jewish people in Israel
began rebuilding it again. Now here is the fascinating relation to
end-time Bible prophecy…….


The Hurva Synagogue has just been completed, and is scheduled to be
dedicated and officially opened in a grand ceremony in Jerusalem on
March 15, 2010. Significantly, the Jewish Rabbinate in Jerusalem has
already announced that the plans for rebuilding the Jewish Temple will
be presented to the nation of Israel and the Jewish people on March 16,
2010. The Rabbi's prophecy wins again!


Glory to God! Thank you Lord Jesus! Praise the Lord! Hallelujah! O
glory be to God! Our Lord's coming for His people is right at the
door! Read Revelation 3:8.


Dear brother and dear readers, it is time for people to GET READY OR
GET LEFT! Read John 3:3-7, 3:16, 3:36, 5:24, 14:6, Acts 4:12, 16:30-31,
and Romans 10:8-13. DO IT TODAY! Tomorrow may be too late!

2 Corinthians 6:1-2. Then bow your head and your heart before the Lord
and ask the Lord Jesus Christ to come into your heart and grant you
true repentance and save you, cleanse you, and make you one of His
children. The ONLY way anyone is ever "accounted worthy" is to have the
"righteousness of Christ" imputed to you. Compare Luke 21:36 with
20:35-36, and then carefully read Romans 4:1-25.

Any reader who needs spiritual help is urged to contact me or some
other true believer in whom you have real confidence. I will count it a
blessing to answer your questions, study the Word with you, pray with
you, and do whatever I can to help you find salvation in Christ, or the
assurance and peace that the Lord wants to give to all of His
people. May God grant you His GRACE is my prayer for you.


Dear brother, I hope this answers your questions and gives you
additional spiritual insight. Please feel free to email or write to me
anytime. My greatest blessing is to be used of the Lord to minister His
Word to His people, and to the lost who are seeking Him for
salvation. Please keep me in your prayers. God bless you.

Pastor F. M. Riley

I would love to hear from you and have you insights into this letter.

What I do know is that JESUS IS COMING SOON. Now soon could be 1 day or 1000 years let us be ready!

Remember Jesus and I love you

Hugs

Sharmaine

10 Little Christians

Thanks Merinda!

10 Little Christians standing in line

1 disliked the preacher, then there were 9



9 little Christians stayed up very late

1 overslept Sunday, then there were 8



8 little Christians on their way to Heaven

1 took the low road and then there were 7



7 little Christians chirping like chicks

1 disliked music, then there were 6



6 little Christians seemed very much alive

but one lost his interest then there was 5



5 little Christians pulling for Heaven's Shore

but one stopped to rest, then there were 4



4 little Christians each busy as a bee

1 got his feelings hurt, then there were 3



3 little Christians knew not what to do

1 joined the sporty crowd, then there were 2



2 little Christians, our rhyme is nearly done

differed with each other, then there was 1



1 little Christian can't do much 'tis true

brought his friend to Bible study -- then there were 2



2 earnest Christians, each won one more

that doubled the number, then there were 4



4 sincere Christians worked early and late

Each won another then there were 8



8 splendid Christians if they doubled as before

In just so many Sundays, we'd have 1,024



In this little jingle, there is a lesson true,

You belong either to the

building or to the wrecking crew!

- Author Unknown

Hugs
Sharmaine

Angies Marriage Advice

Angie’s Marriage Column ~ January 13, 2010



Ask Angie: Dear Angie, I have been married to an alcoholic husband for eight years now and we have two young children together. We have taken marriage courses and I have been reading the Love Dare. I have tried the detach method but it is difficult since he starts drinking every day at around 9 or 10 in the morning (since he was laid off over six months ago) and drinks until he goes to bed which is usually midnight. If I don't talk to him when he's drinking he gets angry. How can I make the detachment work in this situation and how can I protect our children from his anger?



Marriage Guidance: My first suggestion would be for you to talk with your husband when he is sober and let him know in a polite but assertive way that you are not going to interact with him when he is drinking. Explain that if he would like to have family interaction with you or the children he must not be drinking.



Explain to him that this is how you are protecting yourself and the children from the affects of addiction. The alcoholic needs to be left to themselves while drinking so they can see that no one is going to enable any of the alcoholic behavior. You may have to set personal boundaries for yourself and the children.



Remember that setting boundaries for you is not a threat or a way to control the alcoholic. On the contrary, your boundaries have nothing to do with them, and everything to do with you! The alcoholic may not like your new attitude and that is why you explain to them why you have set boundaries. Explain to them that you will not be around an argumentative or abusive alcoholic, but when they are sober, you would love to talk with them. Tell them, “I Love you, but I don’t love the disease.”



As most of us know we can’t make an alcoholic stop drinking—we are powerless over all aspects of the addiction. But we certainly do not have to entertain alcoholism in any fashion. When your husband is sober let him know that you “love him” but “hate the addiction”. Separate the person from the addiction as much as possible. Tell him how much you enjoy being with him when he is sober, but when he drinks its like being with a different person and you are uncomfortable.



One reason why an alcoholic would get angry when you detach from him is because it get to his conscience and lets him know that his drinking is not appropriate behavior for a father and husband to be partaking in every day. He is feeling guilty about it. You see as long as his wife enables the addiction he doesn’t have those feelings about himself and everything is ok. But is it really ok? Not really.



Detaching from the alcoholic is not only a good and reasonable choice for your personal spiritual and emotional welbeing but also for the alcoholic. Your detachment “when he is drinking” is what helps him to take responsibility for the addiction. He has to make choices for himself, not you for him. Only when we stop fighting with the addiction and trying to control every aspect of the addicted person do we find solace and comfort, and will the addict come out of denial and seek healing.

Don’t drown with the alcoholic. You need to rescue you! Here is a chapter I selected from our book on the alcohol addiction called The Alcoholism Trap that I hope will encourage you to take the steps needed to take care of you and your family while living with an alcoholic.



Stop Rescuing The Alcoholic
And Start Rescuing You
17

You’re so busy throwing out the lifeline trying to rescue the alcoholic that you didn’t notice that you were drowning with them. How does it feel? It does not feel very good, does it? You have been giving all your strength in the saving and rescuing the alcoholic in your life that you don’t have much strength left for yourself.
Here’s what I want you to do. Next time you feel like throwing out a line to the alcoholic, don’t do it. Let him or her figure out a solution on their own. This gives the alcoholic a big wakeup call. It may even get them all angered up, but hello! They need to wakeup out of their slumber. “Oh, okay, maybe I do drink too much”.

The alcoholic will not like it at first that you’re leaving them to tend to their own miserable lives by themselves, but, later they will be glad you didn’t keep rescuing them. They may even dish out a lot of mean and hurtful words, but hey, so what. You know what you need to do when the alcoholic starts to attack. They are just words and you know how to detach from the abuse of an alcoholic and still live with them and love them, right? As a matter of fact the more you learn to detach, the better you will feel about yourself.





Be Nice To Yourself



Remind yourself periodically that it’s not your fault the alcoholic drinks. The alcoholic has a compulsion to drink, which has nothing at all to do with you. So you should not feel guilty, remorseful, angry, or depressed. If you allow these kinds of negativities to control the way you think and feel, it will eventually impair your own mental and spiritual well-being. When you are feeling lonely, frustrated or mentally drained from the day, do something about it. Take care of yourself! What do you like to do for fun? Don’t sit around watching the alcoholic drink; it is going to drive you crazy. Take up a hobby. Go see a movie or a play. Go out to dinner with a friend. Take a long walk in nature. Take the kids out for ice cream. You get the picture, right? You do not want to be cooped up watching someone else drown in their sorrows, or inflict abuse upon you. Why? Because you have better things to do than sit around brooding with an alcoholic. Sound ruthless? Well it is not.



Don’t Allow Yourself To Become A Victim



. It’s very important to understand that loved ones of alcoholics unintentionally make themselves become victims by the way they think and position themselves with the alcoholic. Oh poor me, I’m having to put up with this drunken behavior every single day; I just can’t take it anymore! The alcoholic is the only victim here when you come right down to it. They are the ones addicted and controlled by alcohol, thus, they are the true victims. Although, they, unbeknownst to them, would love to bring you into the alcoholic sickness with them, so you must be aware of when this is happening.

Here is how it works, when the alcoholic feels like they are sinking further and further into the addiction, they will grab onto you to keep themselves afloat, but that will only pull you both under. This happens in very subtle ways. The alcoholic may pick a fight with you. They expect you to fix everything that goes wrong in their life. They may drive you to drink with them, or they may try and accuse you of bad things and tell you how immoral and awful you are. When the alcoholic gets a reaction from you, it is their safety line, giving them justification for drinking and continuing in their alcoholic behavior.
Some rescuer type people are more susceptible to being pulled under than others. Did you know that a rescuer will always look for someone to rescue, even though they constantly get pulled under themselves. It might have something to do with the environment they grew up in – maybe they had an alcoholic parent or sibling they always rescued, and so they end up marrying someone they can continue to rescue, like an alcoholic or other addict. It is a subconscious thing.

I think it is important for you to know what your responsibilities are as a loved one of an alcoholic.



Take Responsibility For Your Well-Being



Who is going to take care of you? Not to offend anyone, but no one really cares about your health and well being more than you, except for God, your heavenly Father. That means if we seek out God for our life’s troubles, such as issues with alcoholism then that is taking responsibility. Why is it, we always feel like we have to DO something ourselves? Isn’t asking God for help enough? I think it is, but too often we want to control the outcome of events and issues in our life, so we take steps that we feel will control those issues, but most of the time nothing changes, and sometimes we make things worse. Why can’t we just settle for God?

God is wisdom – wisdom comes from the Father who created us, therefore, if and when we allow God into our life and we begin exploring the realms of spiritually, that is when we become filled with God’s wisdom and guidance for us. God is our safety line, and you are the safety line to the alcoholic until they have spiritual clarity enough to reach out for God on their own. The alcoholic has a difficult time grabbing onto God for their safety line because there are too many hurdles in the way, as we all know, but through you, they can come to see and know God for themselves. Do you see how that works?

The wiser and more knowledgeable you are in God, the more secure you will feel about your position as a loved one of the alcoholic, thus making you feel better spiritually, emotionally and mentally. Remember what I said earlier? Don’t deprive yourself of health and well-being just because you live with someone who doesn’t give a darn about their health. It will be your wellness that brings the alcoholic to their senses.

Respect Yourself

Don’t beat yourself up over the issues of addiction. Respect and love the person you are and take each day one day at a time, and go from there. Don’t look back and don’t look forward more than what is absolutely necessary. The more you think of what next week, next month or next year will bring with the alcoholic, the more overwhelmed, depressed, and awful you will feel inside. You don’t know what tomorrow or next month will bring, so stay tuned only to today and what you can do today for yourself.

The more you love and respect yourself, the more you will be helping the alcoholic. How can that be, you might ask? Well, the more you respect yourself, the less likely you are to succumb to the control and manipulation of the addiction. Remember, you are NOT the one with the drinking problem, so don’t disrespect yourself by the way you think, behave or in any other way as if you did have addiction to alcohol.

Get yourself healthy in mind, body, and spirit, and see to it the alcoholic knows you are taking care of you! Let him or her know you are not in the alcoholism trap with them.



Don’t Become Controlled By The AlcoholicAccording to Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism is an insidious disease. That means whoever abuses alcohol will most likely become insidious in behavior. The devil himself gets to the non-alcoholic through the addicted person. You don’t ever have to take a drink in your life, but somehow the alcoholic ensnares you in with them and you begin to have an alcoholic mind with the alcoholic. That is if you let him or her do that to you. Understand this, the alcoholic most likely does not even realize they are doing this, it is just another part of the addiction that seems to sweep whatever is in its path into a sickness, which actually keeps people further away from God. If you think about it, addictions are but one way in which satan deprives people of God. Don’t let this happen to you.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks; and to him who knocks, the door will be open. Mathew 7:7-8 NIV

Read all 22 chapters (205 pages) of The Alcoholism Trap – Understanding why the alcoholic drinks and what you can to do help the alcoholic you love achieve total sobriety.

The main thing here to remember is to take care of you and the children. Don’t allow yourselves to be taken down into the addiction trap with the alcoholic. Depending on how old the children are, say over the age of six or so, you can talk to them about their dad’s sickness so they may be aware of his emotional outbursts and behaviors. You will be pleasantly surprised to know that children have great natural compassion and understanding about such matters—more than we often give them credit for.

Pray for your husband. Pray for guidance, faith and strength to get through this trying time in your life. God will answer your prayers if you wait on Him for the answers. Whenever you feel emotionally out of sorts, get out your bible and pray about it. This always gives us a sense of closeness with God and comforts us in time of need.

Many people do not know that diet has a lot to do with many health afflictions that consume our body, alcoholism being one of them. Of course, there are many triggers that predetermine alcoholism in a person but sugar imbalances are the reason why physically alcoholics are addicted to sugar in the alcohol. This is just another area that you may want to check into if you love and live with an alcoholic.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)


God Bless!

In Christ,

Angie and Frank

Draw Near to God

Hebrews 10: 19-25

Jesus is The Way, The Trutgh and The Light, no one will ever come to The Father except through Him!
The writer of Hebrews gives us 4 reasons why we are permitted to pray:-

1. We have free access to the sactuary through The Blood of Jesus;
2. We have Jesus as a High Priest in the house of God;
3. Our hearts have been cleansed from guilty conciences;
4. Our bodies have been washed with pure water (v's 19-22)

So today PLEASE DO NOT POSTPONE drawing near to The Father. You can make contact with Him personally through prayer.

He is waiting impatiently to hear you !

Remember Jesus and I love you

Hugs