Tuning In to Your Husband’s Needs

Written by Kenneth Sanderfer
from HomeLife
source: LifeWay
David grabs a quick lunch. Although he's off the clock, his mind is still working. What if I don't finish that project on time? I know the boss is edgy.

I really need to talk to Suzanne, but I don't have time. It bugs her when I cut the conversation short or she senses I'm distracted.

The weatherman's predicting rain tonight. The kids' soccer game will be cancelled. I need to call Suzanne and see how that changes our evening.

I promised to help with the new outreach program at the church tomorrow night. How am I going to do that and get everything else done?

Work. Marriage. Family. Ministry. David fears he'll never get any of it right.


The Heart of the MatterIs it possible for you to understand what your husband is feeling and to support him as he fights to balance work, marriage, family, and ministry? The answer is yes, and it may not be as complicated as you think. Look no further than your own heart.

Sure, men and women are different, but after many years of counseling married couples, I believe husbands and wives are more alike than not. This is especially true when it comes to relational needs.

Scripture sheds light on this. Jesus never let culture, gender, or race get in the way of meeting the needs of those He encountered. He never allowed outside stuff to distract Him from the divine reality that, at the center of our being, we all are alike. Jesus always spoke directly to the common place, the heart. And He always spoke to the heart in love.

Jesus exemplifies a term used in counseling called empathic attunement. It's the act of leaving the comfort of one's existence with the purpose of entering the experience of another. Envision someone's hand turning a radio knob so it moves from its resting place through the static to another station. To be empathically attuned to your husband, you must momentarily leave the music of your choice to tune in to the music of his choice.

The sole purpose is to understand what life is like for him. It's not about what you would be experiencing if you were juggling work, marriage, family, and ministry. It's about what your husband is experiencing at work, in your marriage, in your family, and in ministry. When Suzanne turns to David and lets him know she's tuned in to the music of his day and validates his struggle, he will feel understood and authenticated. This is speaking directly to the heart of the matter.


Medicine for His SoulWords of validation and affirmation aren't really hard to come up with: "I was thinking today about how difficult it must be for you to balance all you do. I really appreciate the sacrifices you make for me and the children." This statement likely will reach your husband's heart. The clear message of understanding translates into "I care." Marriage is all about being emotionally available to each other.

Words of affirmation not only calm the static in his life, they connect you to each other. Are these words really all that different from what you, as a wife, would like to hear?


A Bond of StrengthLong-term studies about why marriages succeed or fail indicate what successful marriages share: a strong emotional bond. Emotional bonds develop in relationships that provide a safe haven — a place where a husband and a wife know they are a priority, where there is contact and connection, and where both partners can turn to each other in a vulnerable way. Sounds surprisingly similar to the relational model Jesus exemplified, doesn't it?

If it's true that, at the heart level, husbands and wives need the same things, then how do you cross through layers of outside differences that can impede the journey to your husband's heart? How do you meet his needs? Consider the following.

Acquire 20/20 vision. Many times spouses develop an eye for the negative. You can see negatives clearly from 20 feet away. The challenge is to acquire an eye for the positive. You might have to strain at first, but with practice, you may be surprised by how fast positive 20/20 vision can change your view of your husband — and, in turn, how he views you.

Improve your hearing. Acquire an ear for information that will lead directly to your husband's heart. Think about it. What are some subtle messages you receive from him on a routine basis? What requests has he made in the past but now has given up on?

Tuning in to your husband's spoken (and unspoken) needs — and then meeting them — is living your love out loud.

Amplify your voice. This may sound contradictory, but if you want to meet your husband's needs, it's imperative that you clearly and loudly express your needs — and shoot straight. There's nothing more satisfying than when both spouses actively meet each other's needs.

Are you tuned in to your husband's needs? If not, today is a great day to turn the knob and listen to the music of his heart.

Kenneth Sanderfer is a marriage and family therapist in Nashville, Tenn.

Hugs

Sharmaine

PEARL OF GREAT PRICE

So many women have asked me the significance of our banner of the woman with one tear signified by a pearl running down her face...well where do I begin....

Firstly every human being is so very precious to God....every soul is a PEARL OF GREAT PRICE, but somehow every tear we cry in the still of the night is so valuable to our Lord, He keeps every tear as precious before Him.

It is so important to hear Him calling you in the still of the night to hear His voice as it impels you, as it urges you, to come, just as you are, to come and have sweet fellowship with Him.

He is not interested in the techniques you would use to pray, or how politically correct you want everything to be, He just wants intimacy with you, (in to me you see, and in to you I see). He wants you to tell Him your fears, share your triumphs, share your doubts...He wants you to talk to Him, really talk to Him.

You see, when God sent Jesus, He never sent His favourite Son to die for you, He never sent one of His Sons to die for you my precious friend He sent His ONLY BELOVED Son to die for you....Jesus was the Pearl of Great Price and so are you.

Have an awesome week,

In friendship and love

Sharmaine

WORTHLESS NO MORE

Worthless No More!
By Jackie Casey

“You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord's hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God.” Isaiah 62:3 (NIV)
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, and I know that full well. Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

“You are absolutely worthless! You can’t do anything right!” It seemed that everyone in the entire neighborhood overheard her shrill, piercing voice and waited for my response. I could feel my face flush with embarrassment as all heads and eyes turned in my direction. I let out a nervous giggle and muttered, “Oh well at least I’m cute.” I thought a little comic relief would soften my mother’s ever present anger, and the tension of the moment. Well, that’s what I got for thinking! Boy was I wrong. My mother screamed, “You’re not even cute! You are a useless human being!” Then she turned and proceeded to pull up all the plants I had just bought and planted in the garden and tossed them in a nearby garbage can set aside for weeds – all because I “dared” to take a chance to surprise my mother. Once again, all eyes were on me as I prayed for the ground under my feet to open and swallow me up whole. I smiled back at the watching eyes, apologized for the disruption of their day, and silently went into the house to clean up.

This scenario was one that was typical in life with my mother, and being her daughter required me to be gracious and merciful and forgiving no matter how uncomfortable the situation might be. Towards the end of her life, my mother became increasingly difficult to please. However, the Lord allowed me to see my mother through His eyes over and over again which truly softened my heart and my mind towards her. During her last year, I found myself as her caretaker and boy oh boy did the Lord work on creating a new Jackie. You see, my mother had suffered an entire lifetime from emotional problems (thus her frequent outbursts of uncontrollable anger), but when she suffered a major stroke, the stroke exacerbated her emotional frailties. Oftentimes, she would curse at me and try to hit me with objects while I was trying to bathe or clothe her. If the same situation had occurred five years earlier, my reaction would have been radically different. I would have completely fallen apart and broken into uncontrollable crying, for I would have believed her words and placed them on my shoulders like a wet and heavy blanket … wearing them for all to see.

Perhaps some of you can relate to the fact that I’ve spent much of my life looking to people to validate my self-worth, relying on their words as truth and not relying on the words of truth from my Heavenly Father. Friends, I’m here to tell you that looking to people for validation and self-worth has been exhausting and fruitless. Perhaps it’s my increasing age, or maybe my spiritual maturity is catching up with my age. Whatever the reason, I’ve discovered it is better to walk in the confidence of my value in Christ, than worry about other people’s opinions. Being secure in my Father’s love for me and finding my worth in the pages of His Bible equips me to let situations like these “roll off my back.”

I wonder how many others struggle with self-worth and value? I use to be a charter member of the “secret sisterhood of low self esteem.” In fact, I probably invented the secret handshake. Friends, if you’re still a member of that secret sisterhood (or brotherhood), let me encourage you to resign. Being a member only brings you heartache, heartburn, and ulcers. When I took the time to discover God’s truth about how valuable His children really are, I resigned and stepped instead into the glorious light of self-worth and value in Christ. You can too – and that’s a promise!!!

Dear Lord, I’m grateful to be Your daughter (son) and to experience the benefits of finding my worth and value in You, my King. Help me to encourage others to do the same. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Application Steps:

· Begin to record Scripture verses that confirm your true value and worth.
· Choose a different verse and meditate on it each week.

Reflections:

· Who can I encourage to find their value and worth through God’s Word?

Power Verses:

· John 15:15, “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”
· Luke 12:24, “Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!”

10 Important Educational Activities for Preschoolers

Amelia Harper
source: CW

1. Teach them to say the alphabet.
One of the best ways to do this is by using the old "Alphabet Song." I like to add my own touch to make it more special. (It would never fly in a classroom these days, but that is the beauty of homeschooling.) My kids loved this version:
A-B-C-D-E-F-G. H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P, Q-R-S, T-U-V, W-X, Y and Z;
Now I know my abc's; can I have a hug now, please?

2. Recognize a few letters of the alphabet.
Use games and simply point out letters everywhere you go. Children love to learn the letters in their own names.

3. Let your children see you read, and read to them often.
As you read, put your fingers under the words sometimes. This helps children understand the concept of reading from left to right and also helps them learn to associate words on the page with words that you say.
Don't worry if they are not actually reading yet, but if they do pick up a few words, pause and let them read them. When my children learn simple words such as a, an, the, and God, we let them "help" read a verse at devotions. The use of Rebus books is a great way to introduce pre-reading as well. In the text of rebus books, little pictures function in place of certain words (like a picture of a cat instead of a cat). Even nonreaders can "help read" these books. Ask the librarian in your library's children's department to show you where they are. The most important thing is to help them develop the love of reading.

4. Teach the shapes and colors.
Shape puzzles are a great way to teach the shapes, such as circle, square, etc. Have your children identify shapes in daily life. Colors are even more fun. I know I will get mail for this, but here is a great way to teach basic colors. Get a bag of M&MS ® or other colored candies. Let your preschoolers eat the red ones if they pick them out correctly. Then look for the yellow ones, etc. Candy is a great motivator. Also, discuss names of colors as they use crayons. Older siblings are great at teaching this one.

5. Teach them to sort objects.
A great many sorting and matching games are out there, but you can do this in real life too. Let them help sort socks. As you unpack groceries, let your preschoolers sort the canned veggies from the canned fruit. Let them sort the M&MS® by color. (M&MS® are very educational!)

6. Teach them about spatial relationships.
This is a fancy way of saying to teach them concepts such as "over," "under," "in," and "out." An introduction to "opposites" often works well as you teach these concepts. Stuffed animals are great tools with which to teach this skill (e.g., Is Harvey Hare over or under Martha Mouse?).

7. Teach them to count to 10.
Again, you will have opportunities to do this every day. "How many plates are on the table? Let's count them!"

8. Help your preschoolers develop motor skills.
Throw balls; color with crayons and markers; cut with children's scissors. Many of these simple childhood activities build fine-motor skills that are essential when your child later learns to write.

9. Develop a good vocabulary and use it around your kids.
According to the Children's Defense Fund, by the time a child from a middle-class family enters first grade, he has a vocabulary of about 20,000 words. However, a child from a low-class family knows only about 5,000 words.1 The truth is, class should not matter. If your vocabulary is not large, expand it and talk to your child as you would an adult--within reason.

10. Use good grammar around your children.
Many children are handicapped educationally because they did not have good grammar models in the home. You will make the teaching of English so much easier if your child knows what proper grammar sounds like. If you are not sure yourself, then get a book on the topic and learn. Listen to good books on tape, and listen to intelligent, excellent media. You will soon get the hang of it, and your child will too.

Footnote:
1. <http://www.tcf.org/Publications/Education/UniversalPreschool.pdf>
Amelia Harper is a homeschooling mother of five and pastor's wife. She is the author of Literary Lessons from the Lord of the Rings, a complete one-year literature curriculum for secondary level students. She is also a freelance writer for newspapers and magazines. http://www.homescholarbooks.com. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/MiddleEarthMom

5 STEPS TO OVERCOMING MINISTRY OBSTACLES

Ever notice that when God is blessing your ministry the most, troubles follow? Your church is growing, but you desperately need a new building. New people are coming to Christ, but you now need to disciple them. You're tackling some of the greatest evil giants of your community, and now they're starting to tackle back.

Maybe you're feeling like Joshua. As God was leading Israel into one of the greatest eras of its history – the conquest of the Promised Land – Joshua was chosen to lead the charge. Yet in the midst of this great time of success came one of the greatest challenges of his life. There were seven larger and stronger nations already there. If he was going to fulfill God's call on his life, he'd have a big obstacle to overcome first.

That's when God gave Joshua a five-point strategy for success that still works today.
Be clear in your direction.
In the first four verses of Joshua 1, God specifically outlines when and where Joshua is going. He knew exactly what God wanted him to do.

If you're going to be a leader that God can use, you must first be clear in your direction. I talk to pastors all the time who say, "I really don't know what I want in my ministry." They tend to just drift along. They don't know what they want for their church or family. When you ask them to tell you what their vision is for the church, they respond with something fuzzy and not specific.

We all need a goal, a dream. But those goals must be clear and specific. Nothing becomes dynamic until it becomes specific. And the more specific you are in your direction, the more you'll find a magnetic pull that'll take you along.

Every time I've presented Saddleback with a specific goal, the church has responded in a big way. In 2002 when I challenged the church to start 3,000 small groups, it was a nearly impossible goal. I was as specific as I could be, and the church responded. We started more small groups than we ever had before. Two years later I challenged the church to feed every homeless person in Orange County. That's no small task. But Saddleback reached the goal once I made it specific. When you get specific, people get excited.

Be confident in your desires.

Once you know the direction that God wants you to take, you must have the confidence to move ahead. You can't doubt what God's called you to do. Doubt is the opposite of faith. The Bible says,

"Whatever is not of faith is sin."
Once you've set your goal the devil will get you to start questioning it. Is this really God's will? What if I'm wrong? Do I really deserve this? Am I just being selfish or prideful?
Evidently this was a real problem for Joshua. He lacked confidence. He felt inadequate in his leadership. Sound familiar? I've identified with Joshua many times. God had to keep giving Joshua a pep talk. Four times in Joshua 1, God says, "Be determined and confident."

Why? It isn't the obstacles that keep you in the desert. It's fear. Fear keeps you from being all that God wants you to be. It's fear that keeps your church from growing how God wants it to grow. You must be confident in your desires.
Be committed to your decisions.

Once you've started, don't look back. Joshua 1:9 says "Do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." God says stick with it. To be a success in life, you must outlast your critics. An oak tree is a little nut that refused to give its ground. Commitment is a key to accomplishment. If you don't have commitment to your ministry, you'll never finish anything.

What are you committed to? What are you willing to die for? Many people in your church are afraid to commit to anything. They begin one job and when it gets tough, they switch to something else.

When high achievers make a decision, they die by it. You can't just jump across a canyon with several baby steps. You have to commit yourself to your goal. If you're going to cross a canyon, you've got to go for it with gusto. It won't work until you commit to making it work.

Be corrected by your defeats.
In chapter 1, verse 7, God tells Joshua, "Be strong and courageous. Be careful to obey all the law. Don't turn from it to the right or to the left that you may be successful wherever you go." He tells Joshua not to get sidetracked. When you have a failure, get back on track. Let God's Word help you reorganize your ministry and your priorities. Mistakes are a part of life. You're not perfect. The pencil eraser industry was built on your mistakes. If there weren't such things as mistakes, we wouldn't have any need for erasers.

The difference between successful and non-successful people is not that successful people don't fail. They do. It's just that successful people learn from their failures. Corrections after defeats are the key to the future. Thomas Edison once said, "Don't call it a failure; call it an education." At Saddleback, our staff is highly educated! We've done more things that didn't work than did.

We're not afraid to admit it when we've made a mistake and to learn from it. The road to success is paved with failure. But we've learned from those failures.
Joshua did too. Remember the story of Ai, the little dinky town that the Israelites came upon after their great victory at Jericho. They'd just taken on the greatest, most fortified city in the land (Jericho) and God had given a tremendous victory. They were getting a little confident and cocky. Then they began to presume upon God's grace. When they had to take the little city of Ai, Joshua said, "Go out with a small battalion of troops." They went out and were absolutely wiped out. When the news came back to Joshua, he threw himself onto the ground and prayed. He asked God what happened.

God tells him to get up, dust himself off, and get the sin out of the camp. Don't just pray – do something. They later discovered that Achan had stolen three things even though God had said not to take plunder. Because he hid those things, his sin was causing the entire camp to suffer.
But Joshua had to discover the problem and take appropriate action. He learned by his defeats.
Be conscious of God's dependability.

God promises enormous benefits in his Word as we trust him and follow him. Joshua 1 is full of God's promises. He specifically promises Joshua four things:

Power: In verse 5 God says, "No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses so I will be with you. I will never leave you or forsake you." God tells Joshua to trust him and he'll provide all of the power he could ever need.

Protection: He tells Joshua that nothing can harm him. In verse 5 he says, "I will never leave you or forsake you." He'll be with him always and protect him.

Prosperity: God says in verse 8 "Don't let the book of the law depart from your mouth. Meditate on it day and night. Be careful to obey everything written in it. Then you'll be prosperous and successful." Prosperity is being everything God wants you to be, having God's blessing your life, and using the talents he has given you. God guarantees that you'll have more than you need if you trust in him.

Presence: That's the best promise of all. In Joshua 1:9 God says, "I will be with you wherever you go." Many times I've felt lonely in ministry, but God always gives me a new sense of his presence when I trust him.

God wants you to have success in ministry. He may not define it the way you do, but he wants you to have his best. As a pastor or key leader in your church, he wants you to help lead people to tackle the great giants of your community. Follow these five principles and he'll give you everything you need to succeed.

BY RICK WARREN

THAT NOTHING BE WASTED!!

My dear friends
May this minister to you as it ministered to me!!!

That Nothing Be Wasted
Submitted by Cliff Sanders on Sat, 02/16/2008 - 15:13.

Americans live in a land of abundance and yet so much is wasted. I believe it was the writer of Poor Richard’s Almanac who quoted the Puritan proverb “waste not – want not”. God our creator values all things. In Jesus’ miracle of multiplication we see the heart of God. In John 6:1-15 a lad gave his meagre lunch to Jesus. Jesus took those five loaves and two fishes and miraculously fed over 5,000 men plus women and children. Twelve baskets of food were left over. Jesus told his disciples to gather up the fragments “so that nothing is wasted” (John 6:12 NLT).

The devil is in the wasting business. Jesus said, “The thief does not come except to steal and to kill and to destroy, I have come that they might have life and they may have it more abundantly” (John 10:10 NKJV). “The destroyer lays waste at noonday” (Psalm 91:6). Satan wastes lives, dreams, and marriages – God’s work is redemptive so that nothing be wasted. Joel gave us God’s promise to even restore “the years that the locust and cankerworm has eaten” (Joel 2:25-27).

The boy who gave his lunch to Jesus did a remarkable thing. When you give what you have to Jesus, it is never wasted. God will use it in miraculous ways to bless others. That none be wasted is God’s plan and promise. Consider some things that that are never wasted when we give them to Jesus.

First – YOUR LIFE. When you give your life to Christ Jesus, it is never wasted for it is eternal. (John 3:16) When you present your body to God it becomes a living sacrifice to bless others and to glorify God. (Romans 12:1-2)
A young man served God passionately and felt a call to be a missionary. He dedicated his life to that cause but he was tragically killed in one of the school shootings in an American high school. Some would say that his young life was wasted. But God has a purpose for each of His children and brings good out of evil. (Romans 8:28) At his funeral, many of his classmates committed their lives to Christ. Paul the apostle said, “I am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him until that day” (II Timothy 1:12 NKJV).

Second – YOUR SORROWS. God doesn’t waste our sorrows. He uses them to build our faith and work God’s grace, character, and eternal purposes into our lives and through our lives. God takes note of our tears and gathers them in His bottle that none be wasted. (Psalm 56:8) He rewards godly tears. (Psalm 126:5; Luke 7:44; II Timothy 1:4) One day God will wipe away all tears from our eyes. (Revelation 7:17; 21:4) Don’t waste your sorrows give them to Jesus.

Third – YOUR PRAYERS. The prayers of God’s children are never wasted. They are collected in golden bowls. They are as incense to God – they are never forgotten and are always active, even after our departure from this earth. (Revelation 5:8; 8:3-4) It would seem from heaven’s standpoint that all spiritual victories are won, not primarily from the pulpit or in the public light, but in the secret place of prayer.

Fourth – YOUR DREAMS AND DESIRES are never wasted when you give them to the Lord. (Psalm 37:4-5) Even if those dreams are not fully realized on earth, God knows our heart and there will be a reward for your godly desires and motives. Even for those whose lives are seemingly cut short on earth there is a great reward. (Hebrews 11:35-40; I Corinthians 3:9-15)
Have you given everything to Jesus Christ? A young martyr for Christ said, “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot loose.” When you give your all to Jesus nothing will be wasted.

DO NOT EVER GIVE UP

In one way or another we have all tasted fear -- a near miss on the highway, the crippling panic of a personal loss, or the looming fear of the unexpected.

Very few of us, however, have lived through intense spiritual persecution or the threat of a martyr's death.As God's kingdom grows throughout the world, the Church is enduring oppression and restriction from outside forces that would like to crush it. Our brothers and sisters in far off places know that their faith in Christ could put them -- or their immediate family -- in harm's way.

In the west, we experience hostility because of our faith in a slightly different way. Though we have many freedoms, there is a decided air of resistance to our open expression of faith in this culture. At times this is discouraging or even crippling to us, but we know that "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love, and of a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7, NKJV). In his last letter to Timothy, the Apostle Paul is literally saying, "shake off your timidity. Shake off your fear.

Shake off your discouragement. Don't ever give up."God wants you to trust Him so that you can face your fears in His strength. As He stands beside you, you will be able to serve Him like you never thought possible.

THE FIVE FINGER PRAYER

1. Your thumb is nearest you. So begin your prayers by praying for those closest to you. They are the easiest to remember. To pray for our loved ones is, as C. S. Lewis once said, a "sweet duty."

2. The next finger is the pointing finger. Pray for those who teach, instruct and heal. This includes teachers, doctors, and ministers. They need support and wisdom in pointing others in the right direction. Keep them in your prayers.

3. The next finger is the tallest finger. It reminds us of our leaders. Pray for the president, leaders in business and industry, and administrators. These people shape our nation and guide public opinion. They need God's guidance.

4. The fourth finger is our ring finger. Surprising to many is the fact that this is our weakest finger, as any piano teacher will testify. It should remind us to pray for those who are weak, in trouble or in pain. They need your prayers day and night You cannot pray too much for them.

5. And lastly comes our little finger - the smallest finger of all which is where we should place ourselves in relation to God and others. As the Bible says, "The least shall be the greatest among you." Your pinkie should remind you to pray for yourself.

By the time you have prayed for the other four groups, your own needs will be put into proper perspective and you will be able to pray for yourself more effectively.

MOTHERS DAY MESSAGE

This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up puke laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, 'It's okay honey, Mommy's here' .

Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted. This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

For all the mothers who run carpool s and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes. And all the mothers who DON'T. This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors.And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at fo otball, hockey or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars, so that when their kids asked, 'Did you see me, Mom?' they could say, 'Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world,' and mean it.

This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp th eir feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies.

And for all the (grand) mothers who wanted to, but just couldn't find the words.This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat.For all the mothers who read 'Goodnight, Moon' twice a night for a year. And then read it again. 'Just one more time.'This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who o pted for Velcro instead.This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls 'Mom?' in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home -- or even away at college.This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches, assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away.

This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them. For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful, and now pray they come home safely from a war.

What makes a good Mother anyway?Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?Or is it in her heart? Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?The panic, years later, that comes again at 2 A.M. when you just want to hear their key in the door and know they are safe again in your home?Or the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation...

And mature mothers learning to let go. For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers. Single mothers and married mothers. Mothers with money, mothers withoutThis is for you all. For all of us.

Hang in there. In the end we can only do the best we can. Tell them every day that we love them. And pray.

People

I was sitting watching people, do you ever do that? I realised and always have known that evry persons life is a book a complete story from the time they are born till the day they die.

Every story has so much to tell....pain, sorrow, laughter. Every story has 24 hours of every day to earse the past and begin a new story...God allows us that grace..the grace of erasing our sins by confessing them, and receiving the forgiveness purchased for us on the cross.

What a price He payed, the Son of the Living God, what a gift He gave us, the gift of eternal life.

Of course we are all going to live for ever, either in hell or heaven, I guess the choice is ours.

What will your choice be this week? What lines will you write in the pages of your book. What will the annals of your life speak about?

Let us choose life today, eternal life with Him....He who died for us, rose again on the third day, He is calling you if you have never known Him, if you have but have not walked where you should for a while, go back, repent, receive His forgivness, plug yourself into a good bible based church, and serve Him, serve Him with joy.

Do not look to the left or right, do not focus on the mistakes and challenges others have, serve Him, love His people and as the old old song says....let Him put His Joy in your heart.

Have a fabulous week

Always in friendship
Sharmaine

Angie’s Marriage Column ~ April 23, 2008

Question: Hi Angie - my question is about joy. My husband and I are 9 months into our "recovery" from his affair. We use scripture daily in everything to heal from this. I couldn't ask for a better situation of after it was revealed (he's repented, committed & working every minute on us). I've chosen to forgive yet struggle with unforgiveness still too often and struggle with feelings of love for my husband. Other feelings are progressing slowly but I worry over whether I will "feel" love for my husband ever again where the strings are no longer attached to the past and am trying to understand what joy means to a Christian in the midst of suffering. How does joy & happiness differ, if at all? I know choosing to love is what Christ wants me to do, not rely or wait on the feelings - but I wonder if God loves marriage, would feelings of love be absent if we're obedient in walking with Him? Thank you for your ministry.

Guidance: First of all I would like to say what a wonderful Christ-like example you are showing of forgiveness for other couples who are struggling with the issue of forgiveness in their own marriage. Your willingness to heal yourselves and restore the marriage shows commitment and principled acts of love – both, which are biblical.

The forgiveness you are having a hard time dealing with comes from self. You have chosen to forgive because you know it is the “right thing” to do, but you can’t. That’s typical for imperfect folks as us. We all struggle with forgiveness from time to time. The good news is…”your willingness” to forgive and that is what’s important. Many people are not “willing” to forgive and they remain bitter, lonely, and sad in unforgiveness.

Here’s why you are still struggling with forgiveness. You are still holding onto hurt feelings from the affair your husband had and you’re not ready to give up those feelings yet. The minute we forgive it means we cannot use those hurt feelings anymore to justify ourselves or to verbally abuse others with. But for true forgiveness to happen it takes complete faith and trust in God.

Here is how it works. You give the hurt to God and He will help you forgive. Why do we hold onto the pain and hurt? Because we can use our negative feelings to wield as a weapon against the person who hurt us anytime we want. It is our defense mechanism. So you see, it is a vicious cycle! We must hand it over to God once and for all and let Him deal with it. He said He would. He wants our burdens and then He’ll take care of us.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:29)

As Christ followers we must allow the Spirit of Christ to go to work in our life. It is a big part of our Christian walk. We absolutely need to have faith to give our sufferings to the Lord. And then He will bless us with abundance. Part of that abundance is “joy”!

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith…(Galatians 5:22)

Scripture tells us that we are to trust in God for our daily bread. (Matthew 6:11) Our daily bread comes from the fruit of the Spirit. It is where we receive joy, happiness, hope, love, faith, and forgiveness. He is our Source for comfort and security in a demanding world. This is where many Christians go wrong – they find comfort and security through other sources and then they are not blessed with joy, happiness, hope, love, faith and forgiveness. What’s missing? They are not complete.

God blesses us with everything we need when we follow Him.

“Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full. (John 16:24)

If we dwell on what we think we have “given up” or if we dwell on how much we “give” and do not receive anything in return for our efforts, we will only find more unhappiness and pain. The reason is we are not doing these things out of love but out of negative feelings controlling us. Where is the fruit of the Spirit? The fruits are not apparent because we are living our life to satisfy our own desires – essentially we are still in the “want mode” of thinking, And we have not allowed ourselves to have faith enough to “give up” whatever it is that is holding us back from allowing the Spirit of Christ to go to work in our life.

“And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another. (Galatians 5:24-26)

True joy to a Christian while in the midst of suffering can only be attained through the power of the Holy Spirit within them. Even though they may be suffering, they feel joy in the hope of eternal life with God. And in the comfort of knowing they are doing what is right in the eyes of the Lord.

“Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory. Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls”. (1 Peter 1:8,9)

God loves marriage. He is the Master Designer of marriage. God does not want husbands and wives to hurt one another. Marriage is a living symbol of Jesus Christ and the Church. (Ephesians 5:23-32) Therefore, in regards to your question, “Would feelings of love be absent if you were obedient to God?” The answer is an emphatic NO! On the contrary.

When couples are obedient to the word of God in their marriage, the marriage thrives with abundance! The reason why feelings of love are absent or disappear is because couples are looking out into the world for their answers. They want that “feeling” of love to come back so much that they commit adultery, and or other lustful acts. They let their feelings tell them they are not “in love” with their spouse anymore.

But marriage designed by God is based upon “principled practice of love”. That means, once couples begin to apply “principled acts of love” the fruits of the Spirit begin to become apparent – joy, faith, love, longsuffering, forgiveness, hope, compassion, etc. God blesses couples in marriage with fruits as those above when they base their marriage upon His wisdom and understanding, and not our own.

“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” (Ephesians 5:21) (This scripture, if practiced, would be a principled practice of love).

When Church Leaders are an Embarrasment

When Church Leaders Are an Embarrassment
By Rebekah Montgomery

As guest speaker, I often hear sorry tales about church leadership.
Recently, I spoke at a church where their dynamic pastor suddenly left. Church members were puzzled — until unpaid bills and credit card statements began rolling in.
A deacon at another church confided that his pastor demanded raise after raise until the church was virtually bankrupt. Then he left.

No one expects religious leaders to be flawless. No doubt: The Carpenter of Galilee has had to creatively use some rough-cut and irregular blocks to build His Church.
But an embarrassment?
Church sex abuse scandal. Prostitution. Wife abuse. Adultery. Luxurious lifestyles. Exorbitant salaries. Unpaid bills. Malfeasance of church monies.

A gifted, respected leader is exposed as deeply flawed. Then the truth comes out: For a long time, the leader has been living a lie. Others knew — or suspected — but turned a blind eye. When a blind eye is turned to sin, the Church gets a black eye. And Jesus is once again put to public ridicule.

A leader’s fall not only sets tongues wagging, it causes much “collateral damage.” I’ve felt it necessary to apologize to non-Christians and young believers who have been burned by bad behavior on the part of a Christian leader. Some are not just hurt, but turned off to the Gospel and perhaps lost for eternity.

Something Old, Nothing New
The early Church saw a similar situation and the Apostle Peter, who occasionally embarrassed himself, addressed it:

If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. … For it is time for judgment to begin with the family of God… (1 Peter 4:15-17 NIV)
If those in leadership don’t live faithful lives, God may have to use a donkey like He did to correct Balaam, the errant prophet — or the local secular news media — or worse to clean out the corruption.

What to Do?
1. Pray for your spiritual leaders.

Let them know you are praying. Ask if they have any needs for which you can pray. If God privileges you to see your leaders’ faults and weaknesses, it is so you can pray with knowledge.

2. Encourage your leadership to be accountable.

Accountability doesn’t mean The Inquisition: It does mean, “… if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.” (Galatians 6:1 NIV)

3. Encourage your church leaders to adopt systems that deter temptation.

These are common sense measures such as discouraging male pastors from counseling female parishioners, church checks requiring the treasurer’s signature, etc.

4. Do self-examination.

It is so easy to see the faults and failings of others. Comfortable, too. When we’re shining the spotlight on another’s blemishes, it leaves our warts in the dark. But God sees in the dark. And we need to daily ask Him to show us ourselves in the strongest light we can bear so we also aren’t tempted.

© Rebekah Montgomery 2008

Lets Pray!!

"From all my lame defeats and oh! much more
From all the victories that I seemed to score;
From cleverness shot forth on Thy behalf
at which, while angels weep, the audience laugh;
From all my proofs of Thy divinity,
Thou, who wouldst give no sign, deliver me.

Thoughts are but coins. Let me not trust, instead
of Thee, their thin-worn image of Thy head.
From all my thoughts, even from my thoughts of Thee,
O thou fair Silence, fall, and set me free.
Lord of the narrow gate and the needle's eye,
Take from me all my trumpery lest I die."
~ C.S. Lewis, Poems (New York: Harcourt, 1992, 131.)

Our friend Dave Goosen has shared his special insight with us once again...we love your writing and insight Dave what an awesome brother you are!

Hi Shar

As I was reading your article about eagles by Myles Munroe, I thought about this Scripture:

Isa 40:30 Even the young shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall;
Isa 40:31 but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
What is interesting about this Scripture is the word wait. Those that WAIT upon the Lord. That word wait in the Hebrew means to collect or gather together. We however understand this Scripture as waiting on the Lord, or in other words sit quietly and wait for God to speak. Now this is true, however when we understand that to wait on the Lord also means to collect together or to gather together, then we begin to bring a different understanding to our need to be in Church. The Bible clearly tells us in Hebrews 10:25 not neglect the gathering together of the saints as is the custom of some. Many people see this as a suggestion and not what it really is, an instruction. I always add Leviticus 10:7 to this discussion as it speaks more pertinently about Church attendance. Besides which, If we are Christians, then we need to follow our leader. Who is our Leader - Jesus. If you study His life, you find that He was in Church on the Sabbath as was His custom. (Luke 4:15 & 16).

Now here is where this Scripture really begins to become significant. The Bible says that when we gather together, then and only then will we begin to renew our strength. Then and only then will we find that we develop the attributes of the Eagle. Then and only then, do we experience the ability to rise above every situation and circumstance. So my encouragement to everyone is always this; If you want to be in the place where you constantly have an eagles ability, then ensure that you are always in Church. It is in that corporate anointing that you experience the power of Matthew 18:20.

Well I just thought I would share this with you

We all love the Goosen family!!!

Hugs always

Sharmaine

A FEW PEARLS OF GREAT PRICE

What fun we had at our meeting on Monday evening. How wonderful it is getting to know each other and taking the time to be "intimate". Intimate meaning ..in to me you see .....and we had the opportunity to glimpse into each others lives. How very blessed I am to be surrounded by pearls of such a great price.

Hugs always

Sharmaine

TO ALL MY FRIENDS

Dear Friends,

Tonight I am really missing you all. It was one of those special ministry days, a family we prayed for so much has returned to church and we had a few visitors, however the sweet presence of God was very much present, but after the service I realised something was missing, YOU !!!

How I miss the times we fellowshiped and laughed and shared a pot of tea...hot chocolate....breakfast...lunch....

Know I miss you and have this poem for you:-

I woke this morning and Jesus said to me
Child take care
A friend such as this is hard to find.
One who loves
with such freedom
and abandon
is rare and precious and to valuable to throw around.
My heart broke and I sighed
and wished and prayed
for time to spend with my friends like
this who are hard to find
The Lord took pity and took my hand
and said
My child
they are only as far
as the next prayer away.
My heart lifted and I started to pray with glee
Knowing my friends
My family would receive
my love in letters
dropped into their hearts
each time I took the time to
say a prayer for them.
This is from my heart to you today
I hope all my love is being received through the prayers I pray.

So know I love you all

So does Jesus

Love

Sharmaine

Eagles

Hi Everyone,

I have been wondering and thinking about eagles, so I will just share what Dr Myles Munroe has to say. As you read be blessed!

7 PRINCIPLES OF AN EAGLE
Author Dr. Myles Monroe
1. Eagles fly alone at a high altitude and not with sparrows or mix with other smaller birds. Birds of a feather flock together. No other bird goes to the height of the eagle. Eagles fly with eagles. Never in a flock. Even when Moses (Old Testament Bible) went to commune with God on the mountain, he left the crowd at the foothills. Stay away from sparrows and ravens. Eagles fly with eagles.

2. Eagles have strong vision, which focuses up to 5 kilometers from the air. When an eagle sites prey- even a rodent from this distance, he narrows his focus on it and sets out to get it. No matter the obstacle, the eagle will not move his focus from the prey until he grabs it. Have a vision and remain focused no matter what the obstacle and you will succeed.

3. Eagles do not eat dead things. He feeds on fresh prey. Vultures eat dead animals but not eagles. Steer clear of outdated and old information. Do your research well always.

4. The Eagle is the only bird that loves the storm. When clouds gather, the eagles get excited. The eagle uses the wings of the storm to rise and is pushed up higher. Once it finds the wing of the storm, the eagle stops flapping and uses the pressure of the raging storm to soar the clouds and glide. This gives the eagle an opportunity to rest its wings. In the meantime all the other birds hide in the leaves and branches of the trees. We can use the storms of our lives (obstacles, trouble, etc) to rise to greater heights. Achievers relish challenges and use them profitably.

5. The Eagle tests before it trusts. When a female eagle meets a male and they want to mate, she flies down to earth with the male pursing her and she picks a twig. She flies back into the air with the male pursuing her. Once she has reached a height high enough for her, she lets the twig fall to the ground and watches it as it falls. The male chases after the twig. The faster it falls, the faster he chases until he reaches it and has to catch it before it falls to the ground, then bring it back to the female eagle. The female eagle grabs the twig and flies to a much higher altitude pursued by the male until she perceives it high enough, and then drops the twig for the male to chase. This goes on for hours, with the height increasing until the female eagle is assured that the male eagle has mastered the art of picking the twig which shows commitment, then and only then, will she allow him to mate with her! Whether in private life or in business, one should test commitment of people intended for partnership.

6. Eagles prepare for training. When about to lay eggs, the female and male eagle identify a place very high on a cliff where no predators can reach; the male flies to earth and picks thorns and lays them on the crevice of the cliff, then flies to earth again to collect twigs which he lays in the intended nest. He flies back to earth picks thorns and lays them on top of the twigs. He flies back to earth and picks soft grass to cover the thorns, and then flies back to pick rugs to put on the grass. When this first layering is complete the male eagle runs back to earth and picks more thorns, lays them on the nest; runs back to get grass and rugs and lays them on top of the thorns, then plucks his feathers to complete the nest. The thorns on the outside of the nest protect it from possible intruders. Both male and female eagles participate in raising the eagle family. She lays the eggs and protects them; he builds the nest and hunts. During the time of training the young ones to fly, the mother eagle throws the eaglets out of the nest and because they are scared, they jump into the nest again.

Next, she throws them out and then takes off the soft layers of the nest, leaving the thorns bare. When the scared eaglets jump into the nest again, they are pricked by thorns. Shrieking and bleeding they jump out again this time wondering why the mother and father who love them so much are torturing them. Next, mother eagle pushes them off the cliff into the air.
As they shriek in fear, father eagle flies out and picks them up on his back before they fall, and brings them back to the cliff. This goes on for sometime until they start flapping their wings.

They get excited at this newfound knowledge that they can fly and not fall at such a fast rate.
The father and mother eagle supports them with their wings.
The preparation of the nest teaches us to prepare for changes;
The preparation for the family teaches us that active participation of both partners leads to success;

The being pricked by the thorns tells us that sometimes being too comfortable where we are may result into our not experiencing life, not progressing and not learning at all. The thorns of life come to teach us that we need to grow, get out of the nest and love on. We may not know it but the seemingly comfortable and safe haven may have thorns;
The people who love us do not let us languish in sloth but push us hard to grow and prosper. Even in their seemingly bad actions they have good intentions for us.

7. When the Eagle grows old, his feathers become weak and cannot take him as fast as he should. When he feels weak and about to die, he retires to a place far away in the rocks. While there, he plucks out every feather on his body until he is completely bare. He stays in this hiding place until he has grown new feathers, then he can come out. We occasionally need to shed off old habits & items that burden us without adding to our lives...

”As an eagle stirreth up her nest, fluttereth over her young, spreadeth abroad her wings, taketh them, beareth them on her wings:” - Deuteronomy 32:11

So today my friends, SOAR!!!

Remember God loves you, so do I.....and I am eternally grateful for your friendship.

Sharmaine

PALM BRANCH

A very special friend of ours called Dave Goosen who is such an anointed prophetic teacher of the Word and a worship leader sent me this after reading our article about the olive branch:

John 12:12 On the next day, when they heard that Jesus was coming to Jerusalem, a great crowd who had come to the Feast

John 12:13 took branches of palm trees and went out to meet Him. And they cried, Hosanna! "Blessed is the King of Israel who comes in the name of the Lord!"

Now I am sure that you would probably be as surprised as I was a getting this scripture. Not quite sure how I was supposed to use this, I started a study on the palm tree. What is amazing about a palm tree, is that in Israel, it is a symbol of victory, and any time a Jew carried a palm branch in his hand, he was indicating to the world that he was a person living in victory.

And so this morning, allow me to encourage you with a Word from the Lord, and allow me to offer you this palm branch as a symbol of your victory. Carry it with you wherever you go so that others too may see that you are a victorious Christian.

Well girls pick up your palm branch and start walking through your towns and cities with pride!!!

Lets hope Dave sends us more encouragement

Remember Jesus loves you

Hugs

Sharmaine

OLIVE BRANCHES

I have been thinking about olive branches and olive trees, seeing as someone extended an olive branch to me this week.....

At first I thought a lot about it, and sent them an olive tree, at first thinking that a tree is full of branches so I was extending many branches to them. So I started looking a little more closely at the meaning so here goes:

The olive tree. The biblical olive tree symbolizes fruitfulness and beauty and dignity. 'Extending an olive branch' signifies an offer of peace.

The olive tree. The biblical olive tree symbolizes fruitfulness and beauty and dignity. Extending an olive branch signifies an offer of peace.

How good God is!!!

But this took me on a journey of forgiveness and how very divine it is. What a price Jesus paid for us all on the cross. If He who is the Son of the Living God could die for me and for you, oh my friends who are we to even carry the smallest grudge in our hearts?

What is Christian forgiveness?

Defining Christian forgiveness is done with words and actions. The word “forgive” is a grace word in the English, as well as the Greek, meaning “to give or to grant.” The meaning is “to remit a debt, to give up resentment or claim for requital, or to pardon an offense.”

Christian forgiveness also encompasses action. Our confession with God involves us seeing our sins as He sees it, bringing God’s forgiveness. When we sin against others, we sin against God. For this reason, we ask God to forgive us of our sins, but we must also forgive our fellow man. “But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong” (1 John 1:9).

What guides Christian forgiveness if an offender is not willing to repent, when the victim has done nothing wrong? The Lord commands us to forgive, releasing the offense and the offender to Him. This is done in prayer to the Lord. God recognizes these situations with this Scripture. “Dear friends, never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God. For it is written, ‘I will take vengeance; I will repay those who deserve it,’ says the Lord” (Romans 12:19).

When we have been wronged, and know we did nothing to deserve harsh treatment from the offender, we normally begin to think of retaliation. Retaliation or revenge is not the right course of action. We no longer dwell on the offense when we relinquish forgiveness, allowing God to take care of the vengeance in a fair, just, and appropriate manner.

Steps to Christian Forgiveness
We recognize that we are sinners in need of forgiveness.
We make the choice to forgive others.
We believe and experience Christ’s loving forgiveness in our lives.
Christ helps us to overcome negative thoughts that are blocking our ability to forgive.
The Holy Spirit empowers us with the right attitude to forgive those who have hurt us.
Trust that God will judge all the wrongs in the world.
When struggling with forgiving others, talk with someone you respect and trust to give you wise counsel, such as your pastor or friend

So dear friends FORGIVE and LIVE!!!

Remember God loves you and so do I

Hugs and gratitude for your friendship

Sharmaine

TIME FOR CHANGE !!!

Well autumn had certainly arrived in Christchurch. I love autumn. Not only am I in the autum of y life but it is an eclectic time of the year, a time of beautiful days and crisp clear nights, a time of seasons change and a time to actually ARISE, SHINE FOR YOUR LIGHT HAS COME.

Girls it is time to get up from that feeling of depression and inertia, time to shake off the cobwebbs and time to NOT have the blueberry muffins.....

Seriously as we breathe the air of change there are so many old things that keep us bound up, so many responsibilities, so many cares....lets cast our burdens on Him, the Master, Jesus is calling us to lay down those things that so easily encumber and ensnare us...when last have you had time for you...let your hair down a little, watched a movie, read a good book.


Stress can cause a host of emotional, spiritual, and physical problems. None of us, however, can avoid stress completely. The key is not to eliminate stress, but to handle it in a way that is godly and productive. Holly G. Miller, in her article for Today’s Christian Woman, said if stress is carefully harnessed, it can create positive results in our lives. These results include increased productivity, greater effectiveness, and renewed energy.
How can we harness stress to make us more productive? What is the difference between stress and worry? How do we deal with the stresses of life without it affecting our physical, emotional, and spiritual health in a negative way? Is it possible stress can be good for us? How can we glorify God despite our stressful circumstances?

I read in Christianity Today that we should first: (adapted to suit)

1. Identify the Stress
2. Discover the eternal principles - Meditate on the Word of God
3. No matter what we are up against God will give us the peace and serenity and strength to face what we are going through
4. Realise you are GOING THROUGH and will not stay there unless you decide to camp there!
5. Find time to be alone with God
6. Worship your way through
7. Adjust your attitude
8. Give yourself time

It is time for change I encourage you today, LET GO and LET GOD.

Remember God loves you and I am so grateful for your friendship

Sharmaine